


Sleeping with the Enemy

by tititenis



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4956397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tititenis/pseuds/tititenis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin thought she was marrying the love of her life when she said I do to Finn Collins. After being 4 years in an abusive marriage, Clarke manages to escape by faking her own death and returning to her hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. In there, Clarke meets and falls in love with Lexa Woods, a kind college drama professor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Time For Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the movie Sleeping with the Enemy. While the plot is somehow similar, the story will not only focus on Clarke but it will also focus on Lexa and her past (which is something the film does not do with the lead's romantic love interest). Trigger warnings, the story discusses abuse and rape, which are delicate topics.
> 
> Ps: When I was writing this chapter I did it to the song A Time For Letting Go by Michael Bolton. It goes amazingly well, so if you are like me who likes to read with music playing in the background, then give it a chance :)

**No new content here, just followed some suggestions and divided the paragraphs better and instead of 1 big chapter there are two now. Kudos and thanks for all the love**

* * *

 

4 Years Ago

She had been 21 years old when she met Finn Collins and he seemed like the kind of guy that every woman would dream of dating: He was attentive, charming, polite and treated her like a princess. After two years of dating, of meeting the respective parents and of having the usual romantic dates and trips, when Finn asked her to marry him she jumped at the opportunity of being with the man she loved. The wedding was spectacular, the place big enough to house their families and friends and every single friend of her kept on mentioning how lucky she was at having caught such a good man. At the time she had agreed with them, herself barely believing that this man had fallen in love and wanted to be with her. Nevertheless, everything changed the moment she said I do. Finn became someone completely different to the man she had dated, and all the traits that she found endearing and lovable about him transformed into jealousy rants and possessiveness of her time and her body. After a few months of living together, Finn told her that she no longer needed to attend college because he could provide for the two of them, that her sole duty was to be his wife and to attend his needs. Of course she did not take this suggestion well, and after telling him that it was her right to have an education, she learned the hard way that no one said no to Finn Collins.

That day was the first time Finn lay a hand on her, attacking and hitting her in places that could hide the bruises that she sported for two weeks. It had been brutal, each hit done with the intention of making her see that there was no escape, that she had no free will and that all she could and had to do was follow orders. The next morning she got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to check her reflection in the mirror and what she saw made her cry in shame and embarrassment at herself. She felt so stupid for having married such a man, she was scared of angering Finn and at the same time she was so terrified that she wanted to run away. One thing that had always made her feel proud was her sense of independence and her stubbornness at accepting what others told her to do. Because of that, she started to put her clothes away in a desperate attempt at running away from him. Her parents lived a few hours away from her and she knew that they would not ask her any questions if she decided to suddenly visit them. She had conflicting emotions about Finn and what had happened, her mind and heart confusing her and impeding her from simply leaving him forever.

It was in that position of packing her things that Finn found her, and immediately she held her breath in fear at what his reaction would be. Instead of the fury she experienced the day before, Finn was so loving and caring with her, crying and asking for forgiveness for his outburst and promising her that he would get help and that things would change. It made her stop herself from leaving, she wanted to believe him and to remind herself that behind the beast there was this man that had captured her heart with silly poems and grand romantic gestures. She wanted to help bring this man back, and perhaps in order to do that she had to also compromise with him, which made her agree to drop school in order to remain at home until he received the help he needed. This had made Finn so happy that he decided to go away on a weekend trip on board his parents' boat, the Ark, and although she had been terrified of being at the sea, she was also excited at feeling the sun on her skin. While Finn was swimming in the sea all by himself because she had never learned how to swim, she told herself that this was the life the two of them deserved. She had promised Finn that she would remain with him for better or for worse, and she had almost broken that promise this morning. Berating herself for her weakness and lack of judgment, she told herself to give the man she loved another chance...

Current Time

The moment Clarke Griffin opened her eyes she exhaled in sorrow at the thought of starting another day. She felt a warm body sleeping right next to her, and without making a sound, she quickly stood up and went to take a quick shower. She calculated the number of steps she took and the place where she placed her feet in order to avoid making any kind of noise. She knew that were he to wake up before she had their breakfast ready, the consequences would be severe. Quickly stepping inside the shower, Clarke brushed herself, somehow trying to eliminate his smell and the feeling of his body on top of her, claiming her, branding her as his own so that no else could have her. It repulsed her every time she touched herself to feel the pain of bruises on her white skin, sometimes even seeing the indentation of fingers on her hips and thighs. Silent tears fell from her eyes, angry at herself for her weakness and her situation that seemed like it would have no end. She cried at the life she had previously had, at the joy she had experienced as a young girl and how all of that banished the moment she married Finn Collins.

She cried in anger at herself for her naiveness and stupidity, for believing the many lies Finn told her, for refusing to give up on a man that would never change because he truly believed that there was nothing wrong with him. She cried for her parents, for losing her father after being married to Finn and for leaving her mother all by herself in that big house with the memories of her dead husband haunting her. She had been all by herself when she got the call from her friend Octavia, the young woman crying on the phone while explaining to her that her parents had been driving to a date when a drunk driver hit their car, immediately killing his father and placing her mother in the hospital for a full month. While her mother lived, she lost the use of her legs which meant that she could no longer be a doctor or work at the hospital she loved so much. That day it had been like losing both parents because her mother became a shadow of what she had previously been, too focused on the past to live the present or to notice what was happening around her.

Because of this, when Finn got home from work that day, Clarke told him that both parents had died in a car accident and that she needed to go home for the funeral and the repartition of goods. Knowing that Finn had meetings with important investors during that same weekend, the man allowed her to go by herself, an opportunity that she used to place her mother in a hospice home and to sell her childhood home and all the possible goods. Because Finn had made them join their accounts, there was no way for her to place said money in her bank, which made her in turn take it with her to the beach house to be placed in a carefully hidden compartment. In it, she had all the things that she would need were she ever able to leave Finn: She had money, a bag with clothes that Finn thought she had donated to the Salvation Army, a wig that had been part of a costume she had put on while Finn and her were dating, and a wallet with extra documentation and paperwork that she had done while she was in Iowa. It was all prepared and yet she still hadn't had her chance to leave this man that terrified her to no end.

With the passing of years things had gotten worse, Finn developing an extreme case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and a need to keep her watched at every moment of the day. It was Clarke's duty to keep everything in the house in check, to keep all the cans in the same position and in the same amount each day, to have the towels of the kitchen placed in the exact same level and to refrain herself from decorating or placing any thing that was not part of Finn's design. Each morning she cooked for him the same breakfast, bread and eggs, with the same amount of coffee heated up at the same temperature in the same cup and with the same brand he liked. She placed the food in front of him and went to the kitchen to continue her cleaning regime because he had gotten used to her being in there while he ate. After Finn finished his breakfast, he asked for the newspaper, which he read while sitting on the sofa and Clarke started to dust the carpets and clean the floors of the living room. While all of this happened they did not speak to each other, Clarke too terrified to disrupt him from his routine and he oblivious to the fear he imparted on her. After Finn finished reading the newspaper he asked Clarke for his suit, which she had already left ready the previous night. While carefully putting it on him, she allowed Finn to place his hands on her hips and to re-brand the bruises he had left the night before because he liked to have sex every night after finishing dinner. It never lasted long, the sole focus of it being for Finn to climax and immediately hold her close, which meant that Clarke never had the opportunity to shower or to clean herself from what they had just done. It always made her feel disgusted at herself and at him, but while he looked down at her in clear arousal, she had to pretend that everything was alright, that she was enjoying what he was doing to her and that she experienced extreme pleasure from him.

She had become so good at pretending to be ok that it made her question if this life was the sole thing that would remain for her. Was she destined to live in this state of mind? Was this loveless and abusive marriage her destiny? It made her feel scared each time she thought of this because she could not lose hope of escaping. Hope was all she had left and losing that meant that she accepted her situation and the idea of remaining with Finn until one of them died or he killed her in one of his jealous attacks. They had become more common after a man moved right next to them and Finn had suspected that the two of them experienced an affair. In fact, the culmination of said rage was yesterday afternoon when Finn came back from work and found Clarke talking with the man because he needed directions to the nearest convenience store. While Clarke tried to explain to him that nothing happened and that he was simply asking for directions, Finn immediately accused her of cheating and promised to teach her a lesson. And a lesson he taught her because right now she could barely place her hands on her body without feeling pain or open her legs much because of the way he had sex with her. It had been more painful than usual, and while Finn usually just focused on experiencing his own pleasure, this time he wanted to make Clarke scream, which made him be more brutal and desperate in his thrusts. Clarke had never experienced something so painful, and it was obvious that the man had done more than just have sex with her because she could see traces of blood on the inside of her tights. This made her start crying again. She knew what was going to happen today: Finn was going to apologize to her, he was going to kiss her and bring her flowers after coming back from work and they were going to go to the boat for the weekend as a way to make amends because Finn still believed that Clarke loved going to the boat. While the first time she had been on it she had experienced true joy, it now terrified her to get on it because it reminded her of her incapacity of leaving Finn and the horrible life she had. Finn still believed that she incapable of swimming, and while a couple of years ago she learned by having some lessons at their local YMCA, Clarke refused to tell him this because changing their routine would mean more abuse and mistrust from him towards her.

Clarke had to finish her shower in a haste after hearing some movement coming from the bedroom. Berating herself for getting distracted, she tried to run out of the bath so Finn would not see her but her legs were not cooperating with her because of the abuse she experienced yesterday. Hissing in pain, Clarke chose some loose clothes that would allow her body to relax and in a quick walk she left the bathroom before Finn got up from the bed. She quietly went down the stairs and entered the kitchen, going through each cupboard and checking every single can and thing was in order and in the same position it had been the day before. Moving the necessary things, Clarke took out eggs, salt, pepper and ham and immediately started to prepare Finn his usual scrambled eggs and placed the bread on the toaster. At the same time she placed the eggs on the stove she took out the milk and also placed it on Finn's cup of coffee, which went straight to the microwave for 3 minutes and 22 seconds. She had once allowed the milk to be heated for 3 minutes and 30 seconds and Finn taught her to never make that happen again after pouring it on her skin and leaving her with a burnt tight that she had to take care of with some medication Finn got her the next day. Moving in a haste after hearing the shower being turned on, Clarke placed the cooked eggs on a dish and the coffee right in the middle of the main seat of their table. She went to get a fork, a knife, a spoon and the coffee mix Finn liked to pour on his milk. After putting everything in place, Clarke started to clean the stove and all the things she used to cook his breakfast. She had finished cleaning the pan when she heard Finn coming down the stairs and she immediately lowered herself to the floor and started to clean the invisible stains that were on it. Without saying anything to her, Finn sat on his chair and quietly chewed on his breakfast, the only noises sounding in the room coming from his forks or from him drinking his coffee. Closing her eyes and hoping that Finn forgot about her, she almost shrieked when she heard him asking for her. It made her heart start beating erratically, it made her question herself and what she had done because she was sure everything was done just the way Finn liked it and she was already in so much pain that she knew she would not be able to take another beating.

"I wanted to apologize to you." Finn started crying and Clarke refused to look at him because this was what he expected to be done. "I lost my temper and I mistreated you. You just have to understand that I did it because I love you so much and it scares me to think that I could lose you. The idea of my life without you in it terrifies me and there is nothing I would not do for you, Clarke. You are aware of how much I love you, right?" he repeated to her the same thing he said after each time he hit her.

"I do." Clarke answered back, the same answer he expected to hear after his heartfelt apology. "It was my fault and not yours. I did not do what you told me to and it was your right to remind me of what I had to do."

"No, what I did was wrong and there is no way for you to justify my actions Clarke." Finn argued back. "You have to forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive." she said. "I love you." she choked out. "And because of that I cannot remain angry at you."

Finn stood up from his chair and hugged her tightly to himself, making Clarke hold her hiss of pain at the way he was placing his hands on top of her still sore bruises.

"I promise I will make it up to you." he smiled warmly and while many years ago that smile made her swoon, it now made Clarke's heart beat in fear. "I will take you tonight on the boat since I know you love it so and we can spend the weekend in the sea. How does that sound?"

Clarke smiled softly. "It sounds wonderful." she said while submissively looking down in acceptance.

"Good." he replied while tilting his chin up so that she could look at him. "I will now go to work, you should pack everything that we will need and make sure to be ready so we can leave as soon as I get back from work. There were mentions of a storm coming but I'm sure if we are fast we will be able to pass it."

"I understand." Clarke replied while leaving the room so she could get his suit. After grabbing and preparing it for him, she reentered the living room and waited for Finn to get up from the sofa.

"Thank you." he smiled happily at her and placed a kiss on her lips. "I will see you later." he nodded while opening the door and leaving an exhausted Clarke pretending to happily wave at him.

The moment the door closed and she could no longer see Finn, Clarke collapsed on the floor and felt herself enter a hysteric attack. All of the fear she had felt and yet kept hidden from Finn was now coming in full force and there was nothing for her to do than simply let it pass. She had expected Finn to propose a weekend boat trip, she had told herself to be ready for such a reaction and here she was now crying and scared about it. It scared her because Finn used this weekend trips to have sex with her as many times as possible, and while he cooked for them and fished with the steward, Clarke was meant to be kept hidden at their room so that only Finn could see her body. Many times it made Clarke wonder whether the steward thought this behavior was weird, and yet not once had the man asked her something about her situation. This made her believe that Finn was paying him an immense amount of money in exchange for his cooperation and silence. Flinching at the idea of the man being an accomplice to Finn's abusive behavior, Clarke focused on her daily routine and on the extra task of preparing clothes and the things they would need for their trip. She checked the mail and placed all corresponding letters and documentation to Finn, the only one allowed to open and manage all their accounts. She went to the back of the house and contemplated the sea, thinking about what would happen tonight and what she would experience during the weekend. She told herself to remain strong, to believe that this was not going to be her forever and that a change was going to come soon. She tried to go out of the porch into the warm sand, but the moment she was almost out she saw her neighbor looking at her and give her a warm and friendly hand gesture. Smiling in contempt, Clarke acknowledged him and quickly reentered her prison, making sure that there were no footprints that could alert Finn of her short time on the porch or the fact that she almost left the house.


	2. Towards The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No new chapter, second part of the previous one

Clarke cleaned her feet in the shower of the guest bathroom and cleaned the sand particles after making sure that there no stains or spots on the floors of the house. She went upstairs to their room and took out the same clothes she used for this trip. It was a dark blue shirt with white shorts and a black one piece suit that Finn bought her for their wedding anniversary in Hawaii. She had thought at the time that the swimsuit was too conservative, but because it was a gift from Finn she told him instead that she liked it. That was her first mistake, assuming that Finn bought her a swimsuit like that because he believed it looked good on her. It took her some time to realize that the reason Finn only bought her one piece swimsuits was so that no else could look at her body and so the bruises he imparted on her could be left hidden from the sight of the steward or Finn's friends when they had to go to a social gathering. To them, they had the perfect relationship and marriage. Finn always made a big deal of looking happy at these meetings and in love, usually keeping her close to him and pecking her lips in loving and romantic ways. The men in the room laughed at him and told him that he was a softie, which made Finn laugh back at them and wink at Clarke after telling her that he was one only for the woman he loved. Clarke then had to laugh back at him and nuzzle him on the nose so that then the room could laugh at the way the two played with each other. At first this had been easy because she really loved the man and cared about him, believing with her whole heart and soul that he loved and cared about her in the same way. Nevertheless, after being usually beaten and assaulted almost every day, now the smiles and laughs that Clarke gave them were shadows of the ones she had 4 years ago. Yet no one ever questioned her about their married life, or the fact that she always refused to show her body in front of them or of the way she sometimes had to put all her weight on one leg because to put it on both was uncomfortable. In fact, once Finn had lost so much control that he hit her in the eye and she had been forced to go to a gathering with a swollen eye, fact that made many friends question her about it. Before she had the chance to answer, Finn smiled sadly at them and told the story of how Clarke had been trying to place some things from her parents' home on the attic and instead of placing the box correctly on the roof it had slipped and the content fallen on top of Clarke, leaving her with a bruised eye. Laughing at the blonde's misfortune and lack of luck, everyone failed to see the way Clarke paled at the way Finn easily manipulated the people around her and her incapacity to tell someone the truth about their life.

"Clarke, are you ready?" she heard Finn ask her and this made Clarke realize that it was time for them to leave. Luckily she had finished everything earlier.

"Yes, everything is good to go." she answered back and immediately went down the stairs to meet him.

"Hi sweety." Finn smiled and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "How was your day?"

"It was good." she answered back while taking his suit and already placing it on the laundry room. "How was yours?"

"The same as usual, having to take care of some investors and showing some of them a group of properties. But that is not something you have to worry about." he smiled warmly at her. "I told my secretary to keep all calls and people away from me so I could spend my weekend with my lovely wife on our beautiful boat."

"I am glad to hear that." she managed to smile and kiss him on the lips. "I can't wait for our trip."

"Neither can I." he said suggestively while placing his hands on her hips. "They say that the weekend will be a wonderful time to bathe in the sun and to catch some fish." Finn said excitedly. "And I already talked with Wells and he is waiting for us at the Marine."

"Wonderful!" Clarke said while going to the kitchen to make some snacks while Finn moved upstairs to quickly change his clothes.

When he came back Clarke saw that he was carrying the two bags she had left done and he was now waiting for her to finish their snacks.

"All done?" he questioned her while placing their luggage down.

"Almost." she replied while cutting some avocados and putting them on a container. "The supermarket had their avocados for sale and I thought you would like to eat some."

"You know me so well." he gushed in happiness.

"I'm your wife." she attempted to joke and it seemed as if he believed her. "It's my duty and joy to know everything about you. Now I'm ready." she finished cutting and cleaning everything.

"Good, let's go milady." Finn exaggerated while opening the door to their house and letting Clarke get out of her prison to quickly enter another one.

The ride to the Marine was a fast one that had Finn babbling in excitement at the opportunity of the two being together and Clarke having to agree with him. She saw from her window the sights of children smiling while playing on the park, of young couples smiling and kissing each other and it made her crave to have such freedom and happiness. It made her wish to go back and change the way things had occurred. It made her wish to stop herself from meeting Finn all those years ago and accepting his invitation to go on a date. It made her want to prevent herself from marrying him and to tell herself to leave the first time he had hit her. All things that were impossible to change and yet she couldn't stop herself from dreaming of another chance to make things right and to take her life back.

"We are here." she heard Finn say while parking the car in front of the Ark.

Clarke opened her door and quickly got out of the car, looking around her and breathing the salty air that seemed to concentrate on the port of the Marine. Although she always felt scared of leaving with Finn on the boat, she still appreciated the small and limited freedom that she experienced the moment she got out of the car and Finn went to talk with Wells about the Ark and all the things it needed in order to sail away. It almost made her believe that she was far away from Finn and the mere idea of it made her have happy tears in her eyes. The illusion of course dimmed to nothing when Finn approached her and placed his hands on top of her shoulders, wanting to get her attention on preparing the boat with all the goods that they would need to buy from the market and that Wells would transport to the boat. The list was already done, and after giving it to Wells who shrugged in boredom, Finn took Clarke to the boat and softly pushed her inside, gushing about the beauty of the boat and the way Wells took good care of her. Clarke half-listened to him because this was the same thing he said every time they came to the boat and it always led to him give some extra money to Wells who would place it in his hidden pocket.

"Are we ready to leave?" Finn asked Wells. "I don't want to be in the middle of the storm."

"I already suggested you to leave tomorrow morning because of this storm." Wells said back and this surprised Clarke. "The port issued an alert of high tides and it is a risk to any boat to leave."

"I pay you enough money to not ask questions and just do what you are told." Finn angrily answered back. "So instead of discussing this with me and hence risking our chances of reaching the sea before the storm hits the shore, I suggest you start this boat." he threatened the steward who gulped and nodded in acceptance.

"The Ark will be leaving the port." Wells promised him.

"Good." he then looked at Clarke. "How about you go to our room and prepare everything for tonight?" he winked at her and she nodded in acceptance.

Clarke went down the shallow stairs in a haste and she almost fell because of said mistake. She had hoped Wells to prevent them from leaving and again money had been enough to make the steward forget about his morality. Still, Finn was an experienced sailor and if he was certain of them making it to the sea before the storm hit them then it was most probably that this would occur. In fact, the sole reason Finn needed a steward was because of the size of the ship and the Marine regulations that demanded each ship to have a steward on them in case of an emergency. Shaking in fear at the thought of Finn in this room later she went to the bathroom and threw up the small amount of food she had managed to eat before this trip. Cleaning everything and making sure that Finn would not notice this, she changed into her swimsuit and blue shirt and white pants. Now that she was ready she had to wait until Finn called her to go upstairs to have her usual time in the sun before he locked her inside their room and prevented her from leaving until the next morning. The short amount of time that she had to herself in this boat was what had kept her somehow sane during these trips and now that she was here, trembling and throwing up at the idea of Finn coming to get her, she was craving and begging the man to finally call her. Standing up and walking inside the room from side to side, Clarke almost fell to the floor when she felt the boat move under her. Surprised at the event, Clarke kept still and again felt the boat move. This was strange because the two men that were driving the boat were good at what they did and usually the trip was a steady and calm one. Nevertheless, after the boat moved yet again and harder than before, Clarke could not contain her curiosity and although she knew Finn was going to reprimand her for leaving the room she went up the stairs and into the main floor of the boat. What she saw made her open her eyes in fear and shock: they were right in the middle of the storm and although it was raining heavily she could see the bodies of Wells and Finn holding the steering wheel with all of their strength. Going up, Clarke's shoes made her slip and she grabbed herself on a rope that was hanging on the edge of the boat.

"Clarke!" she heard Finn scream from afar.

Looking up she saw Finn motioning for Wells to take full control of the wheel while he was obviously attempting to make his way towards her. Taking a deep breath, Clarke looked down and saw the deep black sea trying to take her body inside. Perhaps it was her time, Clarke thought while loosening her hold on the rope. Perhaps this was the way Fate had decided to let her free of this sad life she was experiencing and she was not going to hesitate on taking this opportunity. Not again.

"Clarke, hold on!" Finn yelled and now his voice was closer than before.

Knowing that she had not much time, Clarke closed her eyes and let loose of the rope that was keeping her rooted to the boat and Finn. Opening her eyes one last time before feeling the water on her back, she saw Finn's crazed eyes watching her descend towards the sea and Wells holding him, preventing him to go after her because it was too dangerous and he needed him on the boat. Closing her eyes again at the pain she felt on her back from impacting with the water, Clarke felt her body being sucked down. It was hard to keep her legs moving, the water too cold and making her muscles feel pain each time she stroked and attempted to move forward. She had one clear objective in mind, and that was making her way back to the shore. All the years she had been on this boat with Finn and Wells she had become aware of the route they took, and confident that she knew it well, she was now only hoping the storm prevented the men from taking the boat too far from the shore.

 _Keep moving, keep swimming Clarke,_  she continued chanting to herself after each stroke she did. The only thing on her mind apart from swimming was surviving, was making it out of that house and this life. She had been given a chance and she was not going to waste it, not again. She continued moving her arms, the pain and burning feeling she felt on them making her movements be slower and yet she refused to stop for she knew that stopping would mean giving up. She had taken a large amount of water inside of her and her throat was hurting because of this, making her breathing pattern became erratic and problematic. She tried to remember her lessons at the YMCA and what her instructor Bellamy had told her to do. He always mentioned to her that fear made her body produce adrenaline, which in turn made her oxygen levels lower and her need for energy become higher. She had to remain calm if she wanted to survive, and she had to do it fast if she didn't want to drown.

Concentrating on her father's face and her mother's gentle lullabies, Clarke found a pattern and swam non-stop for what seemed like forever. The pain had now become unbearable and the sorrow at not seeing the shore was slowly making her lose hope. Perhaps the storm made her drift away from her route and now she was in the middle of the sea. Crying in pain and stubbornness, Clarke decided to continue swimming until her body lost all strength or she became unconscious. She was not going to die without a fight, not after everything she had lived under Finn. Looking up one more time in pain, Clarke saw some lights in the horizon and she felt her heart soar. She was close to the shore! She was near Finn's beach house and this made her use the last of her energy to move closer and faster. She is not sure of how long it took her because she lost consciousness, but when Clarke opened her eyes she felt sand under her and in a haste she stood up, quickly regretting the action because her body was exhausted. Nevertheless, she knew there was no time to lose for Finn and Wells would make it back to the shore soon.

Carefully standing up and seeing how her body would react to the action, Clarke walked towards the house and entered from the back window, one that she had decided to keep open were she once ever able to leave. Now that she was inside the house she ran towards the hidden compartment she had previously stocked and she opened her, taking the clothes, the bag with her money and documents so she could take a shower and change. The shower was a fast one, only necessary to clean the salt away from her body and to refresh her from the gruesome swim she had just had. Looking at herself in the mirror with the wig placed on her head, she took from scissors from the cabinet and cut the hair, that way making herself look completely different to her usual self. While she did not expect to find someone on her way out, she had to be extremely careful about being recognized. Clarke then cleaned the bathroom from all traces of sand or hair from the wig, making sure that there were no signs of her presence in the room. Taking a look at her hand, she took off her wedding ring and flushed it down the toilet, immediately feeling a heavy burden raise from her shoulders. Smiling softly, she grabbed the bag and a dirty towel she had left on the garbage earlier, she cleaned all traces of sand from the floors of the house and left the house through the same window she had entered it, making sure to burn the clothes she had just taken off and the towel she had just used to clean everything. After seeing this done, Clarke left through the back porch, again cleaning her prints from the sand while checking her surroundings. Once she was satisfied and sure that no one was out there, Clarke walked from the beach house to the nearest bus station, already having decided where was going to go. The walk was a short one that had kept Clarke on the edge because each time a car passed right next to her she was afraid of seeing Finn coming out and dragging her back to the house. Nevertheless, that did not happen and she released a relieved breath once she found herself at the front of the line of Greyhound.

"Hi, could I have one ticket, one way to Des Moines, Iowa?" Clarke asked while looking around, still not confident about her surroundings.

"Sure." the old receptionist told her while taking her money. "When would you want it?"

"The soonest one you have." Clarke said and got a confirmation nod from the seller.

"There is a bus leaving in 20 minutes, is that ok?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any bags with you?"

"Only the one I'm carrying." she answered and saw the receptionist give her a non-caring look while the computer printed her ticket.

"Here is your ticket and the bus will be leaving from exit number 6."

"Thank you." Clarke said and made way for where the bus was. She did not feel safe outside of it, and after a couple of minutes she saw some people entering a big grey with red and blue bus.

"Hello, this is the bus that leaves at 8pm for Des Moines, correct?" she asked the driver.

"Yes ma'am." he answered her while getting her ticket. "Do you have any luggage that you would like for me to carry?"

"No, that's fine." she managed to smile despite her nervousness and sat at the back of the bus.

Clarke started to slowly count the minutes, hoping that nothing would happen. She saw that a small group of people also entered the bus, most of them quickly falling to sleep once they made sure everything was in order for the trip. Clarke would have been one of them were it not for the fear of Finn coming to find her and taking her back to the prison he called home. She had come too far, almost tasting the freedom she had dreamed of having and she was not going to lose it because she fell asleep before making sure she was safe. The minutes continued to go by and it was almost time to leave, which made Clarke's heart sore in happiness. She exhaled in relief when the driver entered the bus and turned it on, the doors closing once he made sure all the people that bought a ticket were inside of it. After that, it was a couple of more minutes until the driver started to set the car in motion, making sure to leave the station at 8pm. Once Clarke saw that they were leaving the city of Cape Cod she exhaled and started to cry because of the happiness she was feeling. She had actually done it! She had gotten away from Finn and she was on her way to start her life again. She had no regrets about leaving Cape Cod because everything there reminded her of Finn and the abuse she experienced with the man. Perhaps the only person she would miss there was Bellamy, the kind instructor from the YMCA that had been the closest thing she had had to a friend. Nevertheless, the mere thought of being able to live the life she wanted was enough for her and this made her smile again. This time she was going to make things right, she was going to be there for her mother and that was the reason why she chose Des Moines as her destination. This time she was going to be the kind of daughters her parents would be proud of and the kind of woman she could be proud of. This was her chance to be happy and she was not going to waste it, not again.


	3. Strange Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to Mercy College and meets someone she didn't expect to meet.

"I hope you're happy with your new house and it was a pleasure doing business with you Miss Taylor." the salesman told her while handing her the keys to her new house.

Smiling at the prospect of finally being able to control her life and the way things were at her new house, Clarke gave his hand a firm handshake and thanked him again for his effectiveness. It had been five days since she left Cape Cod and the previous life she had. With no regrets and a hunger to experience the things Finn had forbidden her to, she smirked to herself and closed the door of her house. Of course, a new beginning meant that she had to abandon everything about her past, including her name. Now she was Eliza Taylor, a 27 year old medical student at Mercy College of Health Sciences. The moment she arrived at Des Moines, Clarke decided to quickly go and visit her mother, earning the surprised looks from the medical personnel and of her mother herself. This had made the shame she had experienced many years ago return full force, especially after seeing how happy it made her mother to see her. Promising to never abandon her again, Clarke quickly went to the university and enrolled herself in the medical program. She knew that it was going to take a while for her to finish her degree, and that perhaps it was later than usual, but she was a stubborn woman and she wanted to honor her parents by studying the career they had both loved.

Excited at the prospect of going back to school, Clarke spared no expense in renting books, buying materials and stocking her house with the necessary things. The process had been tedious, more so when she realized that she was placing cans, towels and things just like Finn had taught her to do. Scolding and reminding herself that she no longer needed to do things like this, she quickly threw everything to the floor and laughed at the freedom of not having to be worried about keeping the house extremely clean and the things just the way Finn had liked them to. She could now decorate, and because of that she went to the nearest store and bought blue and green furniture that went along with the warm soft colors of the house. It was not a very big house to begin with, but it was just what she needed and that made her feel content. While Finn had been a very wealthy man and hence she had experienced a life of material commodities, the prospect of working for her own things and the joy of experiencing earning the goods she used through her labor was more than enough for her. While she had been excited at the prospect of contacting her old friends, she decided that it was not a good idea because they had been friends with Finn too and the sole idea of suspecting them of sharing her whereabouts with him terrified the life out of her. She was not going to risk this opportunity, and if the price for this freedom was her old friends then so be it. She knew that there was no way she would go back with Finn after having experienced life like this, not even if it meant choosing being alive and going back or staying here and die. While it had only been a couple of days since she gained her freedom, it made her realize how awful and lonely her life had been. How much she had spent lying to herself and belittling everything that had made her be Clarke Griffin. Clarke Griffin had died the moment she married Finn Collins, and Clarke Collins died the moment she let loose of that rope in the middle of the sea. Now it was Eliza Taylor's chance to live a happy life and she was not going to waste it.

Happy with herself and anxious to go to the university to check the curriculum and explore the place where she would soon start her classes, Clarke took her purse and locked her house. She went to the front of her small, yet comfortable car and quickly drove to the center of downtown. While the city had changed in some things, it was still the same Des Moines she had grown-up in and the feeling of being at home made her heart soar with joy. It had been such a long time since she felt at home and she was not ready to let this happiness go away. Smiling and simply enjoying what was around her, Clarke took her time driving around the city and in 20 minutes she found the parking spot designated for students of the university. It took her little time to park her time and less time to walk to the department of emergency medical services. While thinking about a career choice, she realized that the one thing she had always dreamed of doing was be a paramedic, the thrill and fear of trying to save someone while being in a moving car appealing to her in every way. It was a difficult and tedious career because paramedics usually had to be on the clock for irregular hours. Nevertheless, the pay was good because not many people enjoyed the pressure of having so much at stake and that's why many medicine people just went straight to become doctors. She had nothing against these group of individuals, especially since her parents had been doctors themselves, but when she was young she had always thought that humans had to be more where they needed to be than where they wanted to be. It was the only way society would remain functioning, yet the freedom that this country professed was the main reason for allowing many to choose what they wanted to do. They were conflicting opinions to have, especially since she had craved this freedom herself for so long that having it now made her understand why many people fought everyday for it. Her younger self had been naive and innocent, which explained why Finn was able to hurt and abuse her for so many years. The older Clarke was now aware of the darkest sides that humans could have and she now understood that in this world the law of the strongest was the one that ruled: In order to live she needed to fight, because just accepting things led her to an empty life, one where she just survived, which was what she had been doing for so many years with Finn.

"Miss Griffin?" she heard a man ask for her and she gave him a soft smile.

"Yes?" she hesitantly asked.

"My name is Dr. Marcus Kane and I am the director of the Emergency Medical Services for paramedics." he extended his hand and Clarke shook it firmly.

"It is a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." the man retorted while motioning for Clarke to enter the office and take a seat. "I will begin by telling you that your grades are very impressive and that we are all familiar with the work done by your parents."

"I appreciate that." Clarke muttered.

"What we are wondering is your reason for abandoning the program many years ago and now deciding to complete it, if you do not mind us asking."

"I abandoned my studies after my husband forced me to quit school." she whispered but the man heard her clearly. "Dr. Kane, what I will tell you right now I must ask you to not share with anyone. Not only that, but I bring proof and a story with me that will hopefully help me convince you to change my name from the official school transcripts from Clarke Griffin to Eliza Taylor."

"I am listening Miss Griffin." he said while sitting down.

Clarke told him just the necessary to let him understand that his secrecy was a matter of life and death for her. She mentioned the abuse, the beatings, the obsessive compulsive disorder and the way she faked her death a few weeks ago. The man had been quietly paying attention to every word she said, not even moving to answer his phone or to interrupt Clarke from telling her story.

"After I got all my documentation in order I acquired a house for myself and no one from my life in Cape Cod is aware of me being alive. My husband has no close family of mine to notify because I made him believe that my parents died in a car accident years ago. I have not seen my friends in many years and I will not make contact with them if that can ensure my safety. Because of this I need your help Dr. Kane. My husband will never stop trying to find me and take me back if he is aware I'm alive. He is a very influential man and hence the law refuses to prosecute him unless I give them concrete evidence of the experienced abuse. I gave up on the system after being treated in a way that makes the victim be seen as the guilty party of the abuse and not the abuser. Because of that I decided to just move on and start anew. In order to do that I cannot enroll with the name of Clarke Griffin if I want to keep my true identity a secret. I hope you understand and help me change my records.

Marcus Kane looked at the woman in front of him and felt his heart clench in sadness and sorrow. He had been friends with Jake Griffin while the two interned together at Mercy Hospital and now he had to hear of the daily abuse her little girl experienced while married to a clearly dangerous man. The fact that the authorities refused to accept her case because of the man's position further disgusted him and he promised himself to do anything in his power to help Jake's daughter. He owed it to her parents.

"You have nothing to worry about, Clarke." he chose to use her first name in order to portray trust. "It is rather easy to change your name in the system, and since you have all legal documentation needed to do so we will start the process immediately."

"Thank you." Clarke said clearly relieved. "I really appreciate it."

"You deserve to be happy and to have the career you always dreamed of having Miss Taylor." Kane smiled softly at her. "Your grades show your potential and if you inherited your parents' genius genes then I am pretty sure you will be one of our best students of the program."

Smiling softly at the kind words, Clarke stood up and gave Dr. Kane one last handshake before leaving his office.

"And Miss Taylor..." she heard Kane say from afar. "Welcome back to Mercy College. You officially start classes this Monday." he finished and Clarke closed the door with a big smile on her face.

The way out of the university took Clarke longer than before and perhaps that occurred because she managed to get herself lost. Scolding herself for her lack of attention and her apparent inability to follow directions, Clarke found herself in front of a massive television room with thousands of screens that showed different operations being done at Mercy Hospital. Others showed content obtained from paramedic buses and finally some of them focused on interviews done to alumni and doctors. Clarke was slowly grasping everything she saw, completely at awe of the building. Perhaps she looked like a small child going to a museum for the first time but she honestly couldn't help herself.

"They say that all of these cameras are currently recording surgeries done around Mercy Hospital and the paramedic buses that belong to the hospital itself. While many would find the images disturbing, the people at this university think that it perfectly portrays the way in which life goes by a person in the blink of an eye. I myself find it endearingly shocking, isn't it?" she heard a woman ask her and Clarke turned around to answer her.

The moment Clarke's eyes made contact with the one's of the woman she felt her breath hitch. Not only was the voice deep and melodious, but the woman's eyes were a bright shade of green that completely captivated her. Clarke had never judged or questioned herself when she felt an attraction for another human being. It never mattered to her if she felt drawn to a man or to woman, but one thing that was true about her was that she appreciated beauty. And the woman that was now staring at her with a soft smile on her face was really beautiful. Her skin was softly tanned, which paired very well with her green eyes and lightly brown hair. Her body was well proportioned, nothing too big or too small and it seemed that she took good care of her physique because there was not an inch of fat on this woman's body. Clarke was not sure now of how long she remained staring at the beautiful stranger, but based on the smirk that she could now see on the woman's face it was obvious that her gawking was noticed.

_Come on Clarke, say something,_ she berated herself and tried to act like a normal human being instead of a creep.

"It is." she managed to say back. "It's been a while since I've been here and it's nice to be back."

"Then it's nice to have you back..." the woman said while looking expectantly at Clarke.

"Cl... Eliza." Clarke stuttered. "Eliza Taylor."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Cl... Eliza Taylor." the woman joked and further smiled when she noticed the blonde blushing in embarrassment. "My name is Lexa Woods."

Noticing the way Lexa also looked at her made Clarke feel more confident about herself and thus allowed herself to tease the other woman just as she had teased her.

"The pleasure is all mine." Clarke gave her a cocky smile back and saw Lexa blushing at the way the blonde was focusing on her. "And I agree, the mere idea of everyday facing my imminent mortality does have its appeal."

Lexa laughed softly and Clarke told herself to always try to make this woman laugh because the sound that came out of her was just as beautiful as the woman herself.  _Shit, I'm so smitten,_ Clarke groaned in self-contempt and accepted the fact that she seemed to have developed a quick crush on this sarcastic woman.

"An endearing activity that never gets old." Lexa teased her back. "There is not love of life without despair about life."

"Albert Camus." Clarke said without thinking and saw the delighted smile Lexa gave her.

"You know Camus?!"

Clarke smiled right back at her. While she had been a prisoner in Finn's house, one way in which she had found solace was through reading. In fact, before she married Finn she always found Camus somber and melodramatic. Now she understood every word and thought he ever wrote because at one point they had become the same things Clarke had thought.

"In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.  
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.  
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm."

Clarke recited from memory and almost shrieked in excitement when she saw Lexa wink at her.

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." Clarke heard Lexa's melodious voice recite and she smiled warmly at the memories of being with her father playing around the forest during the summer.

"And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there's something stronger – something better, pushing right back." the brunette finished with a soft whisper that conveyed just how much this poem also meant to her.

Clarke saw the way Lexa looked at her in complete awe, obviously just as enthralled with her as she had been with the brunette the moment she focused on her. It was clear that the two of them were pleasantly surprised by their common love for Albert Camus and loneliness. For it was clear that a Camus lover was a person used to experiencing sorrow or in need of solace and understanding from others that have also experienced lost. In Clarke's case, this poem made her think of the innocence she lost after marrying Finn, of how she became a shadow and stopped living the life she always dreamed of having. Nevertheless, the second part of the poem reminded her that while her strength had been tamped and tamed by fear, she still held it inside of herself and that made her feel hope. Hope that she would be able to leave, hope of being happy again.

"It's a nice rarity to find another Camus fan. The man has a reputation that precedes him."

Clarke smiled. "Well, turns out I'm also an aloof lone wolf."

"Yet here you are talking to me." Lexa winked at her. "A nice surprise to see that I'm not the only literary nerd in this university."

"Is that what you do, Lexa Woods? Spread the love for dear old Camus here at Mercy College?" Clarke surprised herself when she realized the tone in which she said this, one filled with teasing and flirting.  _This is certainly new._

Lexa gulped. "I work here, I teach drama in the Liberal Arts and Sciences program."

"You work here?" Clarke looked at her in complete awe.

"Yes." the brunette smiled softly. "I finished my phd two years ago and immediately entered academia. I don't regret it because I love teaching and I found myself interested in the liberal arts program that this university offers. I know that this is a medical university." she mocked herself. "But who says that medicine cannot be also about poems and prose?"

Instead of answering Clarke just decided to listen to the woman talk to her about her life and the things she had done. She heard about her dissertation concerning the influence of science fiction in the development of modern technology. She heard the story of how Lexa's landowner almost threw her out of her apartment because she forgot to turn off the stove and almost burned the place. She smiled at the way Lexa was so full of joy and happiness, a kind of innocence that reminded her of her past self and the way she had been before meeting Finn. Yet, if she focused on Lexa's eyes she could see a distant sadness in them, a reminder that the woman in front of her was not ignorant on the pains that life could give you. That in fact she had experienced said pains and had somehow found the way to move on from those. It made Clarke be that much interested in getting to know Lexa. But would Lexa be interested in getting to know her? That was the pressing question.

"What about you?" Lexa asked her and this made Clarke stop daydreaming.

"I had to leave school for a while." she said while looking down in shame. "And then I left Des Moines for a couple of years. I just came back to take care of my mother and finish my degree and become a paramedic. It has always been a dream of mine to be inside the back of a car and stress myself over how to not let a person die." she joked and got herself a laugh from Lexa.

"It's nice to see you not give up on your dream of becoming a paramedic even if you had to abandon your career for a while. It shows determination."

"And stubbornness." Clarke muttered.

"Which is something that I like." Lexa smiled warmly at her and Clarke felt butterflies inside her stomach.  _What the hell is wrong with me?_ "That's my cue to go." Lexa said while nodding towards the bell that had just rung.

"Oh..." Clarke said, completely lost at what she was meant to do. It had been so long since she felt inclined to hang out with another human being and it seemed that she had forgotten all sense of social interactions. "It was nice meeting you Lexa." she added.

Lexa coyly stared at her and Clarke felt scrutinized under the deep green eyes. She was tempted to just bolt and leave the beautiful woman standing there, but at the same time she was curious about what would happen or what she would do. Thankfully Clarke didn't have to wait long because Lexa took out a pen and a piece of paper from her purse and scribbled something on it. While the brunette was focused on whatever she was now writing, the blonde took the opportunity to appreciate the good looks of the woman and again was caught staring.

Lexa smiled warmly at her, and after standing there a few more seconds in which Clarke interpreted was permission for her to continue staring, the woman approached her and grabbed her hand softly.

"May we meet again, Cl... Eliza Taylor." the brunette whispered and Clarke felt the piece of paper moving from Lexa's hand towards hers.

After one last smile Lexa gave her, the brunette grabbed her things and left Clarke alone in front of the big tv rooms. Quickly opening the piece of paper that Lexa gave her, Clarke smiled when she saw a phone number and the words 'call me' printed legibly on it. She was not sure of when she was going to call Lexa because she was honestly scared of starting something now. But at the same time she was ready to have a friend that could appreciate her for who she really was and not who she had to become with Finn.

Smiling at the endless possibilities, Clarke closed her hand where she held the piece of paper and blushed at the thought of seeing the beautiful brunette again. "May we meet again, Lexa Woods."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the fast follows and reviews. There was one of them made on fanfiction that I would like to quickly address here because the content is important to how the story will be focused on. In the review this person said that Clarke's situation was unrealistic because there were nowadays many support systems for victims of domestic violence and that if she wanted to leave she could have done it.
> 
> While this is true, the harsh reality of non-profit organizations, which are the ones that mostly deal with victims of domestic violence and abuse, is that they are usually understaffed. Speaking from experience after having worked at one of them, many women that seek help tend to either leave the program before finishing it or return to their abusive relationships. The cycle of abuse is a hard one to break, and while it may seem silly to us to see a person allow someone else to treat them in such a way, the reality is that there are conflicting emotions that go from fear to love in the mind of the victim. And, not only do abused women hold little control over the economic aspect of their marriage, but the current legal system also penalizes more the victim than they do in punishing the abuser. So, as a result of this, many women refuse to go to court and face their abuser or to even report the abuse. Without money to run away, most of them depend on the non-profit organizations who have limited capability and funds to help all the people that call them. So, to me Clarke's situation is a reality that many women still experience.
> 
> I promise that this will be the longest chapter note I will post on this story, and that the review made was not done in a malicious tone. But I felt compelled to take the time to explain this because this story's main topic is close to me and what I have experienced with helping victims of domestic abuse. Recovery and self-love is a long process that they face, and usually not an easy one because their abusers are not so lenient in letting them leave or start over. Nevertheless, just as I have seen the system fail in helping some women, I have seen it succeed and give new opportunities and new starts to people that had been trapped in abusive and dangerous situations.


	4. You Make Me Feel Brand New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Lexa's past and how she got to Des Moines.

It turns out that Lexa didn't have to wait too long to see Eliza again. It had been a couple of days since she met the blonde girl at Mercy College and if she was being honest with herself, she had been focused on her phone a lot more than usual. When she failed to get a text or a call from the beautiful woman she hesitated about the signs Eliza was giving her. There had been the staring, after that some blushing, some lighthearted teasing and finally plain light flirting from both women. She been sure of the way Eliza had been focusing on her body and the way she listened intently to what Lexa had said. Because of that she had done something she never did and gave the woman her phone number. It had been a couple of years since Costia died and only now she was just starting to feel at peace with what had happened. She would never regret meeting and falling in love with Costia Greene during college, nor the fact that she proposed and was close to marrying her when life decided to take them through separate paths. The loss of her best friend and the woman she deeply loved had been too much for her, which in turn introduced her to literature and a focus on the works of writers like Cortazar, Benedetti and Camus. Like Eliza, she became a lone wolf that invested her time and life into finishing her degree. While the process isolated her from her past life and friends, the end result was a sense of closure that brought her lasting peace. Said peace, in return, brought her here to Des Moines to work at Mercy's College program of Liberal Arts and Science. Costia had been a medicine student, and in a way, she felt that by helping and teaching other medicine students about writing she would be paying it forward to Costia, remembering her in the best possible way.

It also didn't hurt that Lexa's sister was also living in Des Moines. After her parents' divorce, Anya remained with her father in Des Moines while Lexa and her mother moved to Boston to go to Harvard where her mother got a new job in the Medicine Department. Boston had been good for Lexa: She got an Ivy League education and met Costia. But, Boston was also the place where her life drastically changed: she got her phd and lost Costia. Because of this, when she heard about Mercy's College pioneer program of Liberal Arts and Medicine she decided that it was time to go back home. While her parents stopped talking altogether and moved on to marrying and having another family, Lexa and Anya remained in contact and had turns visiting each other from time to time. Anya had the opportunity to meet Costia and Lexa was present at the birth of her sister's first child. It had been certainly difficult for Anya to take care of her child, especially since the father left them after Gina turned one year. Lexa had always found the man to be a coward, but her sister was in love and there was nothing that could convince her of the man's shadiness. It was actually the pressure of Anya being pregnant again what had scared the man into living them, and while Lexa was happy at not having to see him again, she was also saddened at watching her sister's unhappiness. Were it not for the birth of Adam, Lexa was not certain of what would have happened to Anya. Her sister lived for her children, and having Regina and Adam was what had kept the woman moving. Growing up she had always been proud of Anya's independence and bravery, but to see her sister go against every odd and still manage to raise two wonderful children all by herself was what made Lexa love and admire her even more. So, when she told Anya about her plans to move to Des Moines, it had been the opportunity for Lexa to have the family she had dreamed of having with Costia.

"Anya, Gina, Adam!" Lexa screamed while using her key to open the door. "I'm here!"

"Auntie Lexa!" she heard Gina scream while running down the stars and tackling her to the floor.

"Hi sweetie." she smiled and kissed the young girl on the cheek. "What have you been up to?"

"I drew a picture today." Gina said excitedly.

"You  _drew_ a picture?!" Lexa said while asking Gina to give her the paper where she assumed the drawing was.

"It's our family." Gina smiled while giving the paper to Lexa who instantly smiled at the image of her three favorite people. "Here is mommy, here is Adam, here are you and me!" the girl squealed while pointing each time at a sticky person. Apparently drawing was not a talent Gina had.

"I can see that sweetie." she gushed and turned around to the noise of footsteps coming from behind her. "And I can also see you Adam!"

The little boy of 8 laughed and hugged her tightly. "Auntie Lexa."

"How is my favorite prince?" she asked while moving around the house, the two young children following her around.

"Mommy punished Adam today." Gina told Lexa.

"You promised to not tell!" he complained while Lexa laughed.

"Oh that's too bad." she joked. "Because I came ready to play some baseball with you."

"Oh no!" he shrieked loudly and ran to where Anya probably was.

"So are you ready to throw some balls and maybe try for your school's softball team?" Lexa asked Gina, whom she knew wanted to play on the school's team.

"Yes!" she yelled excitedly. "Mommy already signed my permission and practice is after school."

"And mommy is still trying to find out how she will be able to pick up her daughter from practice while she has work at that time." Anya faked annoyance and this earned her a laugh from the two women. "And this young man." she pointed towards Adam who was silently crying. "Was punished because he hit another boy in school today."

"It was an accident!" he cried. "I was just playing with him and then he tried to take my ball."

"So it was an accident that you punched him?" Anya asked while looking at Lexa who was trying her best to not laugh. This reminded her so much of Anya and her school tantrums.

"Yes!" he promised and then turned his puppy eyes on. "Please mommy, auntie Lexa is going to play some baseball with us."

"What do you think Auntie Lexa, should Adam be allowed to play?"

"I think if Adam promised to apologize to his friend tomorrow, to share his toys and to never hit anyone again then he should." she said innocently.

"I can do that!" Adam screamed. "I can do all of that."

"Then I guess you should go get our stuff and take it outside." Lexa smiled warmly when she saw the boy scream in happiness and rush to do what was asked of him.

"Well that was easier than expected." Anya said amusedly. "But I still have to find someone to take Gina home after softball practice."

"Well, lucky for you two, your awesome auntie Lexa is free and can give you a ride home." Lexa told the two women.

"Really?!" Gina screamed while hugging Lexa tightly. "Thank you so much!" she said while running outside to play with her brother.

"You are a lifesaver." Anya smiled while hugging her younger sister. "You coming to Des Moines has been one of the best things that has happened to the kids and me." she confessed.

Lexa smiled softly and pretended to take her sister's temperature. "Are you actually telling me something nice? Are you sure you are not sick?" she teased the older brunette.

"I was trying to have a moment here you asshole." Anya grumbled.

"How come you won't be able to pick up Gina from softball practice?"

"My boss just offered me a promotion." Anya smiled softly. "It means that now I will be able to wake up and take the kids to school but it will also make me finish a little later than usual."

"That's wonderful Anya! Congratulations!"

"The pay is better and the weekends are off. This is what the kids and I need. You have been there for us during all this time and I don't know what we would have done without you."

"You would have found a way." Lexa told her while grabbing her hand. "You always did and you always will."

"Well, luckily I still won't have to find out. The kids adore you and I know how much you love them."

"They mean everything to me." Lexa confessed while smiling warmly. "You three are my family."

"And we love you too." Anya said and hugged her sister. They were strong women who had got used to not showing their emotions most of the time, but when they did it usually ended with the two of them hugging and confessing their affection for each other. The fact that they did not do it all the time made moments like this be even more special.

"Auntie Lexa!" they heard the children screaming and the two women separated.

"It seems your attention is being demanded by my children." Anya smiled and grabbed her things. "Thank you again for taking care of them."

"There is nothing to thank." Lexa promised while leaving her computer and stuff in the guestroom. "It seems duty calls." Lexa mock-saluted her sister and went outside to the yard.

Thankfully one of the things that Anya did when she got her own place was make sure that they had a big yard. Not only had Anya assumed that her children would need it to play, but it had also been a way in which the two women could have some peace after getting the kids tired out. In high school Lexa had played for her school's softball team and had been one of the best players of the roaster. While college made her stop playing for a while, she still went to hit some balls at the batting cages so she wouldn't get rusty. Turns out that skill had helped her bond with her nephews and it was now their favorite pastime to toss some balls between each other and practice some tactics and positions.

"Finally." Gina said while grabbing the ball Adam had just tossed at her. "Took you forever to get here."

"I apologize." Lexa said sarcastically. "So now that I'm here, what were you doing?"

"Adam is trying to practice some direction but it still moving off to the side."

"You are still playing with the machine pitch, right?"

"Yes." Adam answered. "Although some kids are already throwing the ball and I know coach is paying them attention."

"Then I guess that means we better start practicing this." Lexa smiled encouragingly to Adam who nodded in excitement. "Gina will practice her batting."

"Ok." Gina nodded and prepared herself.

"Now Adam, you have to focus on the position of your fingers and your grip. A strong grip allows for better direction and control." Lexa explained while doing so herself. "Your body's position also affects the way you throw. A too frontal stand means no direction, so position your body to the side. Now, take your shoulder back and slowly let go of the ball." Lexa said and threw the ball to a prepared Gina who took a swing at it and missed.

"That was awesome!" Adam said out loud and waited for Gina to throw him another ball.

After that Lexa saw how Adam was trying to follow all the suggestions and tips she gave him, managing to throw some balls successfully to where Gina was standing. Meanwhile, she also focused on Gina's hands on the bat and the way she positioned her body. One thing she noticed was that Gina took little time to refocus on the ball, which made Lexa encourage her to move away from the plate so she could redo her position and make the pitcher rethink its stand. Still, it was hard to keep small children concentrated on one thing, so after a couple of more throws and suggestions the two kids left their stuff on the floor and instead took out some water guns from their shed. Knowing what they were planning already, Lexa started running around the yard, hiding herself away from the water guns. She managed to do a very decent job of evading the projectiles poorly aimed at her, using her body to switch from side to side. Laughing at the frustrated huffs of Gina and Adam, Lexa kept on moving, never staying in the same place for too long. Nevertheless, while turning around to face the fence she saw familiar blonde hair and blue eyes that made her forget about their game. Right in front of her, and also watching her with a soft smile on her face was Eliza Taylor. Smiling right back at her, Lexa could not move her gaze away from the younger woman who was wearing white shorts and a purple shirt that highlighted her blonde hair and blue eyes. Now more than ever Lexa felt that it was meant for her to be something to this person, for what are the odds of her being the neighbor of her sister?

Still, Lexa was unable to further analyze this new enigma because she felt cold water pouring down on her, making her scream in shock.

"That's cold!" she shrieked and heard the laughs of her nephews and the soft chuckle of Eliza.

"We got you!" Adam cheered and high-fived her sister who returned the gesture.

"It seems you did." Lexa relented and started to separate her wet shirt from her body. Looking up again at Eliza she could see the way the woman's blue eyes darkened and stayed focused on her breasts.

Smirking at having caught the gorgeous woman staring at her, she bent down in front of Gina and Adam and asked them to go put the things away and take a needed shower. When she promised the kids to watch a movie with them after they were done with their homework, Lexa smiled at the opportunity of talking with the woman who was clearly attracted to her and yet had not called her.

"Eliza." Lexa said from her side of the fence after making her way to the edge of Anya's property.

"Lexa." Eliza smiled softly at her.

"It seems that fate wanted us to meet again." she joked and got herself a small laugh from the blonde.

"Indeed we did." Eliza said while focusing on the entrance of the house. "Your children are very beautiful."

"Thank you." Lexa accepted the compliment. "I will tell their mother that you said so."

"Aren't you their mother?"

"I like to believe they see me as a second mother but officially I'm their aunt."

"You're an aunt?" Eliza asked her, surprise obvious on her face.

"I'm Auntie Lexa." Lexa joked and heard Eliza chuckle. "They are my sister Anya's children and I come to babysit when she is at work."

"That's very sweet of you."

"There's no one else and they deserve a quiet and happy childhood with people who love them unconditionally."

"I understand." Eliza looked at her and in fact Lexa could see the understanding on her eyes. "My parents were doctors like me and they were usually at the hospital helping people. Now that I understand things I admire them for what they sacrificed, but when I was younger I was always mad at them. I wanted them to be with me and yet they were never home. I grew up with nannies and while I think I turned out alright it would have been nice to have more present parents."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Lexa said softly, understanding well what Eliza was feeling. "My parents divorced when I was young and separated Anya and I. Of course we stayed in contact while our parents remarried and had other children. Once I moved back to Des Moines I immediately came to Anya's place and lived with her until I was able to find a decent place to rent. They are my family." she confessed and surprised herself at the way she was opening to Eliza.

"Family can come from the most unexpected places and situations." Eliza said with a sad smile on her face.

"Do you have family here in Des Moines Eliza?" Lexa asked her and immediately regretted asking when she saw the blonde flinch. "I'm sorry my question made you feel uncomfortable."

"It's fine." the blonde whispered. "My father died in a car accident and my mother has not been herself since then."

"I'm sorry." Lexa simply said, knowing nothing else would make any difference to the blonde and her emotions.

"It happened a long time ago and I already made peace with it." Eliza smiled tightly. "After all, death is just another symptom that shows that once there was life."

"Benedetti."

"Not surprised you know him if you know Camus as well." Eliza teased and Lexa laughed. "We loners follow the same authors."

"Seems like we do." Lexa agreed with a soft smile on her face. This woman was incredible and Lexa wanted to know more about her. "So what were you doing outside while I was being soaked by a 9 and an 8 year old?"

Eliza laughed and took a canvas in her hands and turned it around so Lexa could see it. In it she saw Gina, Adam and herself running around the yard with wide smiles on their faces, obviously happy and content.

"Eliza, this is beautiful."

"It's nothing." Eliza blushed and looked down in embarrassment. "I heard the laughter coming from here and I couldn't stop myself from drawing you three. Your happiness is contagious."

Lexa was going to answer her but found her hand being pulled by a suddenly shy Gina.

"What's wrong sweetie?" she asked the child who was staring at Eliza with wide curious eyes.

"She is real pretty and good at drawing." Gina whispered to her and Lexa laughed.

"Gina says you are really good at painting and real pretty too." Lexa told Eliza who blushed and gave her niece a wide and encouraging smile.

"Why thank you Gina. My name is Eliza." Eliza said while moving closer to the fence with the canvas in her hands. "If you like it you can keep it." she motioned for Lexa to get the painting from her.

"You don't have to." Lexa started to say.

"Nonsense." Eliza argued back and pushed the canvas towards Lexa.

When the two women's hands touched they both blushed at the feeling and looked down in embarrassment at being so childish over something so silly. While Lexa reprimanded herself for her lack of game, Gina was now smiling brightly at her new painting and had suddenly regained her confidence and ability to speak.

"Could you teach me? I like to draw and paint but I'm not that good."

"I'm sure that's not true." Eliza started to say but Lexa beat her to the point.

"She is right. She could use some improvement." Lexa said in a voice that meant that the girl actually needed a lot of help.

"I would be happy to teach you once you get your mom's permission." Eliza promised the little girl who squealed in happiness.

"Thank you Eliza." Gina said while blushing.

"And she got her voice back." Lexa teased her and heard a chuckle from Eliza and a huff from Gina. "Now that you got to meet Eliza you have to go back inside and make sure your brother is already getting dressed."

"Ok." Gina started to go away with the canvas on her hands. "It was nice meeting you Eliza."

"Likewise Gina." Eliza said to her and Lexa was now smitten at the way Eliza took her niece seriously. "Your niece is really adorable."

"She is." Lexa said while staring at Eliza and making the woman smile in embarrassment. "But one thing that keeps nagging me is that it has been days and yet I haven't heard from you." she bluntly said.

"Excuse me?" Eliza asked completely embarrassed.

"I gave you my phone number so that you would call me, you know?" she teased the blonde.

"I was going to..." Eliza confessed. "But I didn't know what to say or if you really wanted me to call."

"If I gave you my number then that means that I want you to call me." the brunette smiled warmly. "I want to get to know you better Eliza. I want to talk to you while drinking a coffee and not completely drenched from one side of the fence."

"We can do that." Eliza whispered and Lexa smiled brightly.

"Awesome!" Lexa said and immediately thought of a date. "Tomorrow at 7 I pick you up for dinner?" she shyly asked.

"Ok." Eliza nodded in agreement.

"It's a date!" Lexa said and immediately blushed. "I mean, it can be a date if you want to, or not if you don't want to. Not that I wouldn't want it to be a date but if you don't want it to be then that's fine too..."

"I will wait for you at 7pm for our date." Eliza gave Lexa some peace of mind.

"Good." Lexa smiled softly and heard some screaming coming from the house.

"I guess that's your cue to go." the blonde teased her.

"I believe so." Lexa winked at Eliza. "It was nice seeing you again Eliza."

"It was nice seeing you too Lexa."

"May we meet again." Lexa said while blowing Eliza a kiss and smiling when she heard the younger woman chuckle.

"May we meet again Lexa." she heard a soft murmur and ran inside when she heard the sound of her two nephews fighting for the tv. Tonight was going to be a long night.


	5. Linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see how Clarke feels about starting something with Lexa when she does not feel confident about herself, her past and her future as Eliza Taylor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Linger by The Cranberries and for me this songs shows how Clarke feels.   
> No Beta, so all mistakes are mine and I tend to read and correct after posting some chapters. So if anyone would like to be a Beta for this short story then you are more than welcomed to pm me. Thanks and kudos :)

It had been a couple of days since Clarke met Lexa and she still couldn't find the courage to pick up the phone and call the woman. The piece of paper kept staring (figuratively) at her each time her gaze landed on the table where she was keeping it. She had felt something when speaking to Lexa, an immediate attraction that she was 80% sure was reciprocated by the brunette beauty. So, why was it that she found herself longingly thinking and wishing to get to know Lexa and not doing anything about it? Clarke did know the answer to this question, and it was because each time she thought of calling Lexa she remembered that the person calling the brunette would not be Clarke Griffin. How could she build a relationship, any kind of relationship, if she started it with a lie? Clarke understood the repercussions of keeping her identity a secret, she had been even willing to pay the price, but now she was regretting it. Not because it made her leave Finn, but because leaving Finn meant having to lie to old and new acquaintances. It always made Clarke feel incompetent when she remembered her marriage with Finn. She remembered the helplessness, the fear and emptiness she experienced and the disbelief that she stayed with the man for so long. It made her feel unconfident about herself and her judgment of people because she had once thought that Finn was a good man and look where that belief took her. She was a hollow shadow of the woman Clarke Griffin had been and she felt disgusted with herself when she remembered all the things Finn had made her do and who Finn had made her become. This fear of being unrecognizable to the people who knew her was what prevented her from going to visit her mother. She hated herself for promising to be better and do better and yet to find out that it was harder than what she had thought. She finally realized that she had lost all the confidence and cockiness that made Clarke Griffin be Clarke Griffin. Realizing that she would never be this woman again made Clarke's heart hurt. _She was never going to be the same person she had been before marrying Finn._

Thankfully Clarke got distracted from her sorrowful line of thought when she heard the sounds of laughter and squealing coming from the other side of her fence. Clarke had noticed that her neighbor was a woman in her late twenties that seemed to be out of the house during most of the afternoon. She had also seen the two small children that came running out of the school bus and into the house without a single care in their world. Clarke smiled each time she saw them because they reminded her of her past innocence and love for life.  Knowing that she needed a good dose of happiness to make her temporarily forget her problems, Clarke took a piece of canvas and some paintings and worked on setting up a small station in front of her white fence. Doing so gave her a nice distraction to let her creativity out. Smirking at the voices that came from the other side, Clarke almost ruined the painting when she heard a very familiar voice. Raising her eyes, the blonde felt her heartbeats increase when she saw Lexa with a water gun on her hands moving from side to side. If she had been smitten after their first talk, to see the brunette brightly smiling and avoiding the kids' attempts at getting her wet was making her experience a feeling she had not had for quite some time. It made Clarke fear the emotions that Lexa made her feel, this teenage excitement that people tend to experience when they have a crush. A crush that was perhaps reciprocated by the brunette that had finally noticed her staring and was now looking at her with a mixture of excitement, desire and hesitation. Clarke could understand why Lexa would feel insecure, especially after having flirted during their talk at the university and then Clarke not calling her at all. Still, and thankfully for the two of them, it seemed that the brunette was a woman that tended to speak her mind and feel secure about herself because she was slowly making her way towards the fence. Clarke smiled softly when she saw the children taking advantage of the brunette's distraction to get closer to her.  Refusing to let Lexa know of what was happening behind her, Clarke kept her gaze focused on deep green eyes and chuckled when said eyes opened in shock.

"That's cold!" she saw Lexa squeal and couldn't stop herself from chuckling.

"We got you!" the little boy cheered and high-fived his sister who returned the gesture.

"It seems you did." Lexa relented and Clarke immediately noticed the way the wet clothes were clinging to the brunette's toned body. Unfortunately, she also saw Lexa being aware of her staring and smirking at the action.

After being caught in such a compromising position, Clarke quickly turned her face around back to her painting and continued to give the finishing touches to the canvas. She took one last look at the children, trying to absorb their facial expressions and the way the sun landed on their contexture. It also helped that Lexa was talking to them, which in turn allowed her to look at Lexa as well. She felt her hand moving by itself, like a forgotten melody that when heard one cannot help to hum along. It had been so long since she painted, Finn almost prohibiting the activity because it meant that people would have access to a personal part of Clarke (manifested through her art) and that she could be independent of the goods and wealth that Finn brought to the household (because he believed, despite his jealousy and obsessive behavior that Clarke was a good painter).

"Eliza." Clarke heard Lexa say and she felt her happiness sink. There it was, the reason why she felt so much sorrow was because the brunette did not know her. _And would never know me,_ Clarke thought but still gave her a soft smile.

"Lexa." she replied while leaving her materials on top of the table.

"It seems that fate wanted us to meet again." she joked and Clarke couldn't stop herself from laughing. It seemed that fate wanted them to keep meeting in the most unexpected places.

"Indeed we did." she said while focusing on the entrance of the house. "Your children are very beautiful."

"Thank you." Lexa accepted the compliment. "I will tell their mother that you said so."

"Aren't you their mother?" Clarke was now baffled.

She was almost sure, based on the way this children played with Lexa, that the brunette was their mother. But now that she thought about it, the other brunette was their mother as well. Did that mean that Lexa was in a relationship? Did she misread the signs again? Was she being tricked and deceived again?

"I like to believe they see me as a second mother but officially I'm their aunt." the brunette clarified and immediately gave Clarke the peace of mind she needed.

"You're an aunt?" the blonde realized the age of Lexa could not be more than hers and yet here she was being an aunt.

"I'm Auntie Lexa." Lexa joked. "They are my sister Anya's children and I come to babysit when she is at work."

"That's very sweet of you." Clarke complimented the woman and blushed when she saw the warm smile Lexa gave her .

"There's no one else and they deserve a quiet and happy childhood with people who love them unconditionally." Clarke heard the brunette say and noticed that this was opinion came from a personal experience. She wanted to assure Lexa that she was not alone. She could at least give that to her, right?

"I understand." she looked at Lexa trying to convey understanding. "My parents were doctors like me and they were usually at the hospital helping people. Now that I understand things I admire them for what they sacrificed, but when I was younger I was always mad at them. I wanted them to be with me and yet they were never home. I grew up with nannies and while I think I turned out alright it would have been nice to have more present parents."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Lexa said softly. "My parents divorced when I was young and separated Anya and I. Of course we stayed in contact while our parents remarried and had other children. Once I moved back to Des Moines I immediately came to Anya's place and lived her until I was able to find a decent place to rent. They are my family."

Clarke nodded at the feeling of wanting to belong, of wanting to have someone to be there for her unconditionally just like Lexa had been there for her sister. "Family can come from the most unexpected places and situations." Clarke said with a sad smile on her face.

"Do you have family here in Des Moines Eliza?" Lexa asked her and Clarke instantly flinched. "I'm sorry my question made you feel uncomfortable."

"It's fine." the blonde whispered. _Yes, I do, but I have been a coward and I have refused to go see them,_ Clarke thought but ended up saying instead her usual excuse."My father died in a car accident and my mother has not been herself since then."

"I'm sorry." Lexa simply said and Clarke was thankful for the brunette not attempting to try to say something encouraging or in a way uplifting.  

"It happened a long time ago and I already made peace with it." she smiled tightly. "After all, death is just another symptom that shows that once there was life."

"Benedetti." Clarke smirked and was not surprised that Lexa knew the author of her quote.

"Not surprised you know him if you know Camus as well. We loners follow the same authors." she teased and saw Lexa laugh.

"Seems like we do." Lexa agreed with a soft smile on her face. _Seriously,_ Clarke told herself, _can this woman be any more attractive or welcoming than what she is being right now?_ "So what were you doing outside while I was being soaked by a 9 and an 8 year old?"

Clarke laughed softly and took the canvas she had been drawing. It had been a long time since she had showed someone her art, and even beforehand she was usually were reluctant to let people see it because of the amount of feelings and emotions she poured into the peace. And yet here she was, giving the picture to Lexa so she could see it. Clarke noticed the way Lexa's eyes opened in disbelief and immediately berated herself. _She must think that I am such a creep because here I am drawing her and her nephews,_ Clarke continued rambling while keeping her eyes on Lexa.  

"Eliza, this is beautiful." she heard the brunette say and stopped her mental scolding.

 _She likes it,_ Clarke exhaled in relief and then realized that she had just gotten a compliment for her work. She had to say thank you. "It's nothing." Clarke blushed and looked down in embarrassment. "I heard the laughter coming from here and couldn't stop myself from drawing you three. Your happiness is contagious."

Clarke saw Lexa getting ready to answer her but then she noticed another presence standing close to them. Turning her eyes away from Lexa, she saw the young girl hesitantly approaching them. Clarke gave her an encouraging smile and the girl walked the rest of the way until she was standing next to Lexa.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Clarke saw Lexa ask the child.

Clarke could not hear what the little girl answered because she whispered it to Lexa but she suspected it had something to do with her because she saw that Lexa looked at her and then laughed. Smirking and trying to convey to Lexa that she demanded an explanation, she smiled when she realized that the girl was blushing.  

"Gina says you are really good at painting and real pretty too." the brunette explained to her and Clarke couldn't stop herself from blushing.

"Why thank you Gina. My name is Eliza." Clarke said with the friendliest tone she could muster and got closer to the fence with the canvas in her hands. "If you like it you can keep it." she motioned for Lexa to get the painting from her.

"You don't have to." Lexa started to say.

"Nonsense." Clarke immediately argued back and again surprised herself. For some strange reason she felt that this painting now belonged to Gina and who was she to stop destiny?

When the two women's hands touched they both blushed at the feeling and looked down in embarrassment at being so childish over something so silly. While Clarke scolded herself for being so transparent, she also noticed that Gina was now smiling brightly at her new painting.

"Could you teach me? I like to draw and paint but I'm not that good."

"I'm sure that's not true." Clarke started to say but Lexa beat her to the point.

"She is right. She could use some improvement." Lexa said in a voice that meant that the girl actually needed a lot of help.

"I would be happy to teach you once you get your mom's permission." she promised the little girl who squealed in happiness. This made Clarke chuckle. She had never offered to teach someone what she knew, always believing that you either had it or not. Obviously, it turns out that she was mistaken in thinking that she would never teach someone to paint because she had just promised that to her neighbor's daughter.

"Thank you Eliza." Gina said while blushing.

"And she got her voice back." Lexa teased her Clarke couldn't stop herself from chuckling. "Now that you got to meet Eliza you have to go back inside and make sure your brother is already getting dressed."

"Ok." Gina started to go away with the canvas on her hands. "It was nice meeting you Eliza."

"Likewise Gina." Clarke said to her and turned around to notice the way Lexa was now looking at her. The way her green eyes shone with happiness and excitement was welcoming and intimidating. Even she knew what that stare could mean. "Your niece is really adorable."

"She is. But one thing that keeps nagging me is that it has been days and yet I haven't heard from you."

"Excuse me?" Clarke said and admired the bluntness of the brunette. _This woman has balls,_ she told herself and felt completely embarrassed.

"I gave you my phone number so that you would call me, you know?" she heard the teasing tone.

"I was going to..." Clarke decided to just be honest. "But I didn't know what to say or if you really wanted me to call."

"If I gave you my phone then that means that I want you to call me." the brunette smiled warmly. "I want to get to know you better Eliza. I want to talk to you while drinking a coffee and not completely drenched from one side of the fence."

 _She wants to get to know me,_ Clarke exhaled in relief and felt a small ray of happiness enter her shadowy life. _But she wants to get to know Eliza Taylor, not Clarke Griffin._ She thought and was almost tempted to say no and ruin things. Ruining things and the opportunity to make a friend, _and perhaps something more,_ with someone who seemed just as smitten as she was. Why was it then that Clarke continued conspiring against herself and her happiness? Life with Finn had just been about surviving the pain, hoping to see a better day and get another chance. Well, this was her chance now and she was continuing to live her life the same way she had done for the last 4 years: Just surviving. And damn it, didn't she deserve more than that?

"We can do that." Clarke whispered and Lexa smiled brightly.

"Awesome!" the brunette moved from side to side and Clarke felt tenderness towards the woman. "Tomorrow at 7 I pick you up for dinner?" she shyly asked her.

"Ok." Clarke nodded in agreement.

"It's a date!" Lexa said and Clarke noticed her immediately blushing. "I mean, it can be a date if you want to, or not if you don't want to. Not that I wouldn't want it to be a date but if you don't want it to be then that's fine too..." Lexa continued rambling and Clarke felt sorry for her.

"I will wait for you at 7pm for our date." Clarke decided to give Lexa some peace of mind. Besides, although they had just met, this, the two of them going out, felt so much like a date so why not call it that?

"Good." Lexa smiled softly and Clarke heard some screaming coming from the house.

"I guess that's your cue to go." she decided to tease the brunette who huffed in exasperation.

"I believe so." Lexa winked at her. "It was nice seeing you again Eliza."

"It was nice seeing you too Lexa." Clarke murmured and closed her eyes when she kept thinking and imagining of the way her own name would sound like coming from Lexa's lips. Nevertheless, this was her chance and she was not going to let it go.

"May we meet again." she again heard the strange farewell and smiled when Lexa blew her a kiss, not turning around to see if Clarke kept it because the screams inside the house were getting louder.

"May we meet again Lexa." Clarke whispered mostly to herself and couldn't stop herself from smiling. She was not expecting a miracle to help her suddenly forget about her time with Finn, she was a realist and knew it was not going to be like that. But, she was starting her new life in the right direction and perhaps having a friend, or someone that meant something to her, would help her heal and start anew.

Turning around, Clarke headed back inside her house and quickly cleaned all her art materials. It had been a very productive and revealing day for her and yet she did not feel the usual fear of the unknown she experienced while being with Finn. Instead, she was excited of what could come her way and she promised herself to be more open to the opportunities that this new life threw at her. _And speaking of promises,_ Clarke went towards the living room and grabbed her phone. Dialing the number of the assisted living quarters where her mother was, Clarke heard the familiar ringtone of the place and waited until someone answered.

"Hello, this is Des Moines Gardens." a woman answered her and Clarke took a deep breath.

"Hi, my name is Clarke Griffin and I want to schedule a visitation."

"Of course." the woman replied. "What is the name of the patient?"

"Her name is Abigail Griffin."

"Abby?" the woman asked. "Are you Clarke as in Clarke her daughter?"

"Yes I am." she gulped and waited for the woman on the other line to answer back.

"She has asked for you many times." the woman said. "She will pleased to know you will be coming."

"It has been a while since I've been able to come back to Des Moines." Clarke justified herself. "Please let her know that I will go tomorrow after lunch."

"We will let her know and we will prepare her for you." the woman promised. "And Miss Griffin?" the woman hesitated for a while. "Welcome home."

Instead of asking how the woman knew that Clarke was going to stay, Clarke just decided to thank her and prepare everything for her time with her mother. She had a lot to say, a lot to apologize for and a lot to explain. She was just hoping that her mother could forgive her for her mistakes. She needed that forgiveness. She needed the guilt of failing her mother after her father died to stop haunting her, she needed to make sure her mother was alright and she needed to make peace with her mother for what had happened during her childhood. They needed to start a clean slate and perhaps with this new name and new life a second chance with her mother was another thing that was missing from her happiness.


	6. On My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Eliza go out on their first date. Things start to move forward and it may not be good news for Clarke.

**Author's Note:** I know it has been a long time since I uploaded this story but it was hard for me to find a pace or to write it (especially after being focused on OUAT and magic hehe). Hope this chapter makes it up for all the time you had to wait and I want to thank you for following and liking this story. No Beta so all mistakes are mine.

PS: This story will not be as long as my other ones. So we are currently nearing the middle part of it.

* * *

Lexa was actively moving around her place, clothes flying from one side to the other. She had been preparing for her date when the university called for a staff meeting. Although she loved to teach, right now she was angry because the meeting had run for longer than usual. Because of that she was running late and instead of having one hour to prepare for her date with Eliza she only had 10 minutes left until it was 7:00pm. And if there was one thing Lexa Woods was proud of was her punctuality. Deciding to just go casual and focus on having clothes that matched, Lexa decided to wear some black pants with a light green shirt. Her hair was a whole different matter, and going for a relaxed look, she half-braided the front and kept the back loose. Looking at the watch she saw that she only had five more minutes. At least she didn't have to go too far to get Clarke because she lived relatively close to her sister Anya's house. She chuckled when she remembered the awkward conversation she had with her the moment Gina asked Anya for permission to have painting lessons with Eliza.

( _Flashback to Yesterday Night)_

"I'm home!" Anya screamed while closing the door to the house. "Thank you again." she smiled at Lexa who nodded in acknowledgment.

"You know I enjoy my time with them." she smiled softly at her sister. "Besides, after feeding them they quickly went to bed."

"I think that is because you tire them out." Anya chuckled. "Sometimes it makes me wonder who is truly the child." she mocked.

"I am responsible." Lexa huffed. "More than you dear older sister."

"Perhaps." Anya shrugged. "But I'm not the one who was obviously splashed with a water gun." she smirked while pointing at her wet hair.

"I was distracted." Lexa murmured.

"Mommy!" Gina screamed and hugged her mother tightly. "Can I have painting lessons with Eliza?" she begged.

"Who?" Anya was confused.

"Our neighbor and Lexa's friend." Gina said while running towards her room.

"Lexa's friend?" Anya asked Lexa who shrugged. "You mean the blonde woman that just moved? How do you even know her?"

"She is a student at Mercy College."

"Is she your student?" Anya asked her while winking at her younger sister.

"Of course not!" Lexa stood up from the couch. "She is studying to be a paramedic and she just moved back to Des Moines."

"You seem to know quite a bit about her." the older brunette then smiled devilishly. "You like her!"

"Have you seen her?" Lexa decided to be honest. "She is beautiful."

"Only from afar. But it's nice to see you're open to dating again. It has been a long time."

"It's not that I haven't been open to dating. It's just that no one interested me that much until Eliza." she admitted. "She just has this mysterious air that calls to me. Like I want to discover who she is and get to know her at the deepest level."

Anya chuckled. "You literary people and your crazy analogies. If I didn't know you were an English professor I would think you are a creepy stalker."

"Thank you." Lexa deadpanned. "It's so nice to see how much you support me."

"I do support you. I just don't support stalking and creepiness."

"Look what Eliza gave me." Gina interrupted them and handed Anya the painting of the three of them from earlier. "It's Auntie Lexa, Adam and me." she pointed at each one of them.

"I can see that." Anya smiled at her daughter. "This woman Eliza is really talented. I actually know some art firms that would be interested in getting something this good." she said offhandedly. "Do you know if she works under commission?"

"I think she does it as a hobby only."

"What a waste of talent." Anya said while giving the painting back to Gina. "And if this talented woman wants to teach Gina a good skill then she is more than welcomed to do so. That is, of course, after I meet and talk to her." she looked at Gina who nodded in happiness.

"She's really nice mommy." Gina promised her mother. "Auntie Lexa really likes her."

"She does?" Anya asked while watching Lexa redden. "How do you know that?"

"Because she is taking her out on a date."

"You little gossip!" Lexa screamed while running to get Gina. "You promised not to tell."

"I didn't know mommy was part of the not to tell group." Gina laughed.

"Your mother Anya was the main member of that not to tell group."

"So a date huh." Anya smiled warmly. "And you just met her? Are you sure you're not moving too fast?"

"How else am I supposed to know someone unless we go on a date to talk?" Lexa asked exasperated. Protective Anya was showing herself.

"Just be careful." Anya advised her. "I mean, from one day to another she moved to the house with no belongings. I even heard the seller comment to another woman that she paid him cash for the house."

"So she had cash to pay for the house." Lexa said. "You sound like a gossipy old neighbor Anya. Suspecting of new people without getting to know them."

Anya raised her hands in surrender. "I'm just telling you what I have heard."

"People should just stop with the ill gossip and instead worry about their own lives."

"I know it sucks to have other people knowing and judging your business and choices." Anya truly understood. "But sometimes the suspicions of people are not so far-fetched from the truth."

"They were when it concerned you." Lexa said and immediately looked down in shame. She hated to remind Anya of the time when Frank left her.

Anya looked down in sadness. "I know. I just don't want you to get all excited about this woman without truly knowing her."

"I will be careful." Lexa promised. "I have been careful since I unexpectedly lost the woman I planned to spend the rest of my life with." she said coldly. "I will go say goodbye to the kids and then head home. I just got an email about a staff meeting and I'm afraid I will run late for my date."

"Ok." Anya surrendered. "About those lessons, please ask Eliza when it would be ok for me to go meet and talk to her. Not only because I don't know her, but I would need to know what I have to get Gina for the lessons."

"Of course." Lexa smiled softly.

( _End of Flashback)_

She was still a little upset at Anya for telling her those things about Eliza, but at the same time she was grateful for having a person in her life that cared about her. It had been hard after Costia's death to trust people and open herself. She now knew it was because she had fallen in love with her the moment the two met. She had decided to be more careful when it came to meeting others and that's why some people considered her a cold and calculating person. Nevertheless, it had protected her heart from unwanted sadness and sorrow. But now this was not enough. She had felt the same feelings she experienced with Costia spark that first time she talked with Eliza. Had she been scared? Terrified. But at the same time she had felt happiness at knowing that her heart was still capable of loving and caring for people that were not her family.

Stopping her car in front of Eliza's place, she took two deep breaths and focused on having a good time. She had really enjoyed the conversations she had with the blonde woman. Hopefully being in a date wouldn't make things awkward for them. Well, she really didn't think they would because it was obvious that Eliza was just as attracted to her as she was to Eliza. Smiling in excitement, Lexa got out of her car and quickly walked to the front porch of the blonde's house.

"Ok, I can do this." Lexa told herself and rang the bell.

It didn't take more than five seconds for Eliza to open the door for her and it took all of Lexa's will to not let her mouth drop open. She had known that Eliza was a beautiful woman, but right now she was wondering if she was standing in front of a real person. The woman now smiling warmly at her had a knee length dress that hugged her body perfectly. The dress was accentuated by a nice pair of heels that allowed Lexa to see Eliza's tonified legs. Moving upwards she noticed that Eliza had her hair loose and curled perfectly, creating an image of perfection.

"You are breathtaking." Lexa complimented the woman in front of her who blushed.

"Thank you, you are also looking really good." Eliza stuttered and this made Lexa smile.

"Oh human beauty, what a dream art thou, that we should cast our life and hopes away on thee!" Lexa exaggerated.

Eliza chuckled. "Bryan Procter."

"I swear I don't know how you're not an English professor." she smiled warmly at Eliza. "You know a lot about literature."

"I read." Eliza shrugged. "And I can pretty much remember everything that I read."

"No way you have eidetic memory!" Lexa said while opening the door for Eliza who smiled in thanks.

"Way." Eliza chuckled. "I know some people think it's cheating but it's not really my fault."

"Of course. Blame the maker not the product."

"That sounded odd." Eliza chuckled. "But talking about makers and products, today I had a visit from your sister."

"You did?" Lexa asked softly. _The fucker._ "What did she tell you?"

"She told me that Gina mentioned me and the painting lessons. Obviously she wanted to know me before allowing her daughter to come to my place." she smiled in comprehension. "She's quite different from you."

"Different?" Lexa asked amused while turning the car on.

"Yes, more cautious when it comes to new people and not trusting them fast enough."

"She interrogated you, didn't she?" Lexa said embarrassed.

"She did ask about our date today." Eliza smiled softly.

"And what did you tell her?" the brunette asked curious about the blonde's answer as well.

"The truth. That I liked what I knew about you and that I want to get to know you more."

"I feel the same way." Lexa smiled warmly. _Maybe I won't kill Anya tomorrow._

"Good." Eliza smiled happily. "Because then this would have been awkward."

"I solemnly swear to not make any kind of sarcastic comments while we are on our date."

"You're such a geek." Eliza laughed. "Lead the way Harry Potter."

CLCLCLCLC

"So tell me about yourself." Lexa said while letting Eliza sit before her.

"What would you like to know?"

"Whatever you would like to tell me." the brunette smiled softly.

"I'm an only child." Eliza started. "So I guess I was always attended by my parents." she chuckled. "It wasn't until later that I learned that not everyone was going to treat me the same way my parents did."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm the center of their world." Eliza smiled sadly. "I guess realizing this is what made me come back to Des Moines. I needed a new beginning and to make up for past mistakes."

"I can understand the need to start over." Lexa confided in her. "I lost someone I cared about too." she said assuming Eliza was talking about losing a loved one. "Her name was Costia and she died because of a terrible accident."

"I'm sorry." Eliza grabbed her hand and looked at her with understanding.

"I thought I would never get over the pain. That it would be too hard to move on from having a life with her to then start a new one all by myself. And it took some time and a lot of effort but I ended up enjoying what I had. I was still alive and I knew that Costia would have wanted me to move on."

"I wish I could be in that stage already." Eliza looked down in sadness. "But I'm afraid I'm not there yet. But I'm trying."

"It takes as long as it takes." Lexa smiled softly. "Do not pressure yourself and do not expect to be well, just try to be well and one day you will wake up and realize that indeed you are well."

"I can do that." Eliza smiled happily at her. "Today I went to visit my mother. Remember I told you about her?"

Lexa nodded. "How was it?"

"It was peaceful." the blonde smiled sadly. "She didn't remember much about me apart from my name but it was nice to see how happy it made her to see me."

"I am happy for you Eliza." the brunette said honestly. "Our parents divorced when Anya and I were young and hence it separated our family. After I started dating Costia the only person that supported my decision was Anya. She and the kids are all the family I have and need."

"It's good you have each other. Makes me understand more why Anya's so protective of you." she chuckled. "She told me that were I ever to treat you wrong I would find my way out of Des Moines before being capable of saying 'Des Moines'."

"Again, I am sorry about that." Lexa blushed and looked down in embarrassment. "I will kill her." she murmured.

"No need to apologize. She was doing her job as an older sister and it was nice to finally meet my neighbor. But it also helps you that your sweet niece will come keep me some company two times a week." she winked at Lexa who nodded in agreement.

"She is really something. Strong, independent and brave when she has to be. If there is one thing my sister Anya has done incredibly is raising those two kids all by herself."

"With you by her side." Eliza added. "She told me about them and your past."

_Interesting,_ Lexa thought to herself. Anya was not a person that shared much about their family and history. If she did with Eliza then there was something she saw in the blonde woman.

"So you agreed to give Gina some very needed lessons?" Lexa smiled warmly.

"She asked me very nicely, hence I couldn't say no to her." Eliza joked with her. "You should join us if you can so that way I could teach you as well."

"Why do you assume that I do not know how to paint?"

"Because you write?" Eliza asked embarrassed. "I'm sorry I didn't plan on assuming..."

"Nothing to be ashamed of, especially since I do not know how to paint."

"You're so mean." the blonde said with pink cheeks. "You actually made me feel bad for a moment there."

"Your pink cheeks make it all worth it." Lexa flirted and Eliza blushed even more. "It is adorable."

"Stop it." Eliza laughed loudly. "You're making me blush."

"And that is the point." Lexa raised her cup and waited until Eliza mimicked her. "To a wonderful first date."

"To a wonderful first date." Eliza smiled back and toasted with her before taking a small gulp from her cup.

CLCLCLCLC

"Thank you." Eliza said after Lexa parked her car in front of the blonde's house. "I had a lot of fun today."

"So did I." Lexa smiled brightly and opened the car of the door to get out. "Allow me to escort you to your door."

"So chivalrous." Eliza joked with her.

"What can I say, it is part of my charm."

"Indeed it is." the blonde agreed while giving her a big smile. "I really enjoyed our time together Lexa."

"So did I." Lexa promised and stopped the moment she reached the house's door. "Thank you for accepting my invitation."

"Thank you for being insistent."

"It was my pleasure." the brunette smiled. "I know we have just met." she started while staring at green eyes that stayed on her. "But I really like you Eliza. A lot." she blushed. "And if you would like to, I want to get to know you better."

"I like you too." Eliza smiled warmly but then her expression became saddened. "But as I explained to you, I just experienced a bad situation and I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone. Not yet." she whispered and hoped for understanding.

"Trust me when I tell you that I know what you mean. And based on my own experiences I do not expect you to be with me. At least not yet." she winked and Eliza laughed softly. "But even if nothing romantic were to come from our time together, you are the first person I have found to have interests similar to mine. So, how about we agree to be friends right now?"

"Friends?" Eliza asked amused.

"Of course. Just because I like you that does not mean that I do not want to be your friend as well." the brunette laughed loudly.

"I can do that. In fact, I would very much like to be your friend as well Lexa." Eliza said softly. "And perhaps something more."

"No pressure Eliza. Whatever is meant to happen will happen."

"Ok." the blonde got closer to her and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for being so nice and welcoming Lexa. I hope I'm good enough for you."

"I am sure you will be even better." Lexa gave her a dashing smile and blushed when she remembered the feeling of Eliza's soft lips on her cheek. "About those lessons..." she remembered. "Is your invitation still open?"

"Yes it is." Eliza said. "But didn't you tell me that you knew already how to paint?" she teased the brunette.

"I did. But maybe I want to come because I want to see you?"

Eliza laughed. "You're such a charmer."

"Is it working?" she said with bright blue eyes glimmering softly.

"Perhaps." Eliza said and opened the door of her apartment. "Good night Lexa."

"Good night Eliza." the brunette took the blonde's hand and kissed it softly. "May we meet again."

"May we meet again Lexa." the blushing blonde replied and with one last longing look at Lexa she closed the door.

The moment Lexa found herself alone in her car she smiled in happiness. The date had gone great, and although she had not heard what she wanted to hear from Eliza, she was happy the blonde had been honest. Lexa was very familiar with losing a loved one and trying to move on. It took time and based on what Eliza had confided, her lost had been recent. Nevertheless, just as she told the blonde, she was currently happy enough to just be her friend. She knew that trust had to be earned, from both sides, and the best way to do this would be from getting to know each other better. _And what better way to do that than by being friends?_ Smiling at the prospect of spending more time with Eliza and finding out more about her, Lexa drove back to her apartment with a big smile on her face and hopeful plans for the two of them to share in the future.

CLCLCLCLC

It had been two weeks since the funeral and Finn was as lost as he had been the moment he saw Clarke falling from the boat. He had hated Wells for not being strong enough, for not forcing him to wait until the next day. Their stupidity had cost Clarke's life and he was now all alone. Many friends had come to the funeral, most of them his business partners and some from college. He had seen Octavia quietly crying at the back of the reception, being hugged by a man with strong muscles kind eyes. He had also seen his brother, Bellamy, whispering some words with Raven, his ex-girlfriend and former best-friend of Clarke. From what he could see the two of them were together, and although it made him feel bitter to see their friends happier, all he currently cared about was his loneliness. The house was dirty, all the things were out of place and it made him miss Clarke's presence. Many times he had attempted to remember her face, her hands when she caressed him and the way she always brought him to orgasm. It had been hard to replicate and most times he ended unsatisfied and restless. Why had Clarke left? Abandoned him to a life without her and one of complete loneliness. He still went to work, still saw the way the neighbors stared condescendingly at him and the big, empty house behind him.

Huffing in anger, Finn moved towards the outer part of the house that connected to the beach and decided to have a long and quiet walk. He had found some solace during these times, the only noise being produced by the waves and birds flying up in the sky. He had bought this house because of the surroundings it had and how one could become completely lost in them. _In order to keep Clarke safe,_ he muttered angrily and kicked the sand in front of him. Howling in pain when he felt his finger hit something, Finn moved to the side and immediately checked his foot. Inspecting it to see that no glass or other disgusting object was stuck in it, he angrily scolded the people responsible of cleaning the beach and promised to send them a letter. Nevertheless, before he continued walking there was a light that came from the sand that forced him to stop moving. Lowering himself to see what that was, Finn moved the sand away and felt his whole world shatter when he saw his mother's engagement ring staring back at him. Shaking, Finn grabbed it and immediately held it close to his face, wanting to refuse that this ring was real. But it was. The ring was real, all the markings were there and from what he could see some parts of it were dirty with feces. _Feces,_ Finn thought and noticed that there was a pipe right in front of him, one that connected to his house. Immediately standing up, Finn ran to the house, moving frantically inside and angrily closing the door. He went to the bathroom, trying to find some sort of proof that what he thought was not a figment of his imagination. Knowing the thing that Clarke would never be capable of leaving behind, Finn immediately went to the studio and looked at their own album of photographs. Clarke had taken a picture with her father during their graduation and the picture was in this album. And if there was a person that Clarke loved more than anything was his father. Turning page after page, Finn almost screamed in happiness when he saw that the picture had been replaced with one of the two of them.

R _eplaced,_ he thought immediately and his happiness was shattered. Clarke was alive. Clarke had lied to him, to all of them and left. Why would he do such a thing? Especially when she had promised him her love and devotion. Huffing in anger, Finn immediately took out his phone and dialed one of the private detectives that worked for his company. The guy was a scumball and a liar but he always delivered results. And what he currently needed was results, most specifically, a location of her wife.

"Murphy..." he said without a greeting. "I need you to do a job for me, off the record. You will be rewarded well if you give me results that lead me to the location of the person I'm looking for."

"Understood." Murphy answered immediately. "Who do you need me to find?"

"My wife Clarke Griffin." he said darkly.


	7. Love Won't Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is forced to face her growing feelings for Lexa. Murphy makes a surprising discovery and Abby stops putting her own sorrow before the one of her daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: 2 updates in a day because I have neglected this story for too long. This time we are seeing Clarke's POV and things will start getting more dangerous for Clarke as the chapters keep on coming. Again, no Beta so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> PS: Some warnings for this chapter. It discusses Clarke remembering her time with Finn and this may be triggering for some of the readers. What I write is my perception as a writer of what Clarke has experienced and I apologize in advance if there are mistakes or inconsistencies.

 

It had been a couple of weeks and all Clarke could think about was Lexa. Their date together had been perfect and she had been happy during the whole time. Not only had she found herself a friend, _and interested lover?_ , but she also spent her time with Gina, Lexa's cute niece. The girl was a joy to be with, usually asking her questions about herself and her life before Des Moines. At first Clarke had been uncomfortable in answering her all of these things, but with the passing of days she started to like their conversations. Lexa had kept her promise and also came to their painting classes, a canvas and pencil in hand and a teasing smile on her face. Those beautiful blue eyes either stared at her during their time together or focused on the drawings she did. Slowly Clarke had become intoxicated by the presence of the brunette, had imagined many times what it would feel like to hold her, kiss her and do many more things. Thoughts about Finn had been less recurring, her nightmares becoming less common and her mind slowly filled by children's laughs and blue eyes.

She had also spent her time between school and visits to her mother, who each day became more aware of her surroundings and started conversations with her. While the two of them were still uncomfortable with talking about her father, Clarke was relieved to see that her mother was improving. Her grades were very good and if things continued like this then she would obtain a 4.0 GPA by the end of the semester. Life was good, too good Clarke thought some times and she was expecting something to happen and ruin everything. Although Clarke knew that this was not healthy, she couldn't stop herself from imagining the worst and there was still that lingering fear of being found. She had too much to lose if that happened, she had already tasted freedom and she knew that she would never go back to Finn and his prison. No matter how much he begged, or if he even used force, but Clarke promised herself to not go. She would rather die than return there. Of that she was certain.

"Is it ok to come in?" she heard a teasing voice and she immediately smiled when she saw Lexa entering her house.

"Where is my little helper?" Clarke asked and got a teasing frown from the brunette.

"Not happy to see me?"

"Of course I am." she blushed.

"Thought so." Lexa said confidently. "And Gina cannot make it today. Anya asked me to apologize to you but she got a bad grade on a test she promised she studied for."

"Then why did she get a bad grade?"

"Because she obviously did not study for it."

"Oh." Clarke now understood. "Tell Anya that there's nothing to apologize for."

Anya had been a person that had slowly grown to like Clarke. She knew that it had something to do with Lexa, and although the brunette promised her many times that it was not, she could see the way the older brunette looked at her while she talked to Lexa. She knew that Lexa cared about her, and she was not using those feelings in order to take advantage of the brunette. In fact, she was trying to stop herself from acting on them because she believed that being with Lexa when the brunette didn't know who she truly was was unfair. She had been tempted many times to confess to Lexa her past, to trust this woman that had opened herself completely to her and had discussed her past, her life in Boston with Costia and her time with Anya after she was abandoned by her boyfriend. It had taken all of her self-control to not tell her secret, to not mention Finn and their past. She had thought at first that she did it out of selfishness and that had devastated her. But when she analyzed it more, she realized that she couldn't tell Lexa because doing so would place her in danger. Finn was a very powerful and ruthless man, one that had not found her because he believed she was dead. And she could never do that to Lexa, force her to live a life of lies and one without her family. It wouldn't be fair of her to ask the brunette to do that. It wasn't right to even ask her to do that.

"Earth to Eliza, earth to Eliza?" Clarke saw a hand moving in front of her.

"Sorry." she apologized.

"Are you ok?" the brunette asked her.

"Yes." she smiled hesitantly.

"No you are not. You have been like this for a while Eliza. I refused to talk about it because I wanted you to tell me what was going on. But I cannot wait any longer, not when you seem so scared."

"I'm not scared." she refuted and sounded completely scared.

"That was a lame attempt at lying and you know it. You can trust me Eliza. I thought I had already proven that to you."

"I do trust you Lexa. You are the only person I trust." she confessed and then looked down. "But I can't, I can't tell you."

"Damn it Clarke." Lexa said angrily. "Why do you not open yourself to me. I am here every time you need me. I am here, I am not leaving and yet you still do this to me."

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered. "I know that this is unfair to you."

"What is unfair is that you are not even trying to let me in." Lexa whispered. "Believe me, I know how hard it is to let other people in. I went through that as well. But how do you want me to keep helping you when you will not even help yourself?"

"It's not that simple Lexa."

"It is that simple Eliza!" Lexa screamed. "God, why do I do this to myself?"

"Do what?" Clarke whispered, scared that Lexa would give up on her.

"Fall in love with someone who does not love me back." she whispered. "I knew you were not ready and I promised you friendship. And I am trying, God knows I am trying. But you will not even give me that. So tell me, why do I keep coming back when you are not being a good friend? Why am I being such a masochist?"

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered while trying to get closer.

"Do not try to condescend me Eliza." Lexa murmured. "I am a big girl and I am capable of doing so myself."

"Let me talk!" Clarke screamed after losing her patience. "I'm not doing this because I don't care about you Lexa. If you had any idea of how much I want to just grab you and kiss you." she confessed. "But I can't do that. I can't..." she was going to continue but couldn't when she felt strong lips on top of hers.

Moaning in enjoyment, Clarke hummed when she felt Lexa's soft lips clash with her own, their whimpers being the only noise now that the two had stopped arguing. Clarke continued kissing her, refusing to take air, scared of what would happen once she separated from the brunette. She had imagined this many times, had dreamed of kissing Lexa and had assumed that she was capable of being close to what it would actually feel like. She was mistaken. Kissing Lexa was better than any dream she had had. The way the pink lips moved on top of her own was perfect, the right amount of strength and determination making the blonde open her mouth in enjoyment. She could feel a hesitant tongue moving on top of her own lips, asking permission to explore. Granting it immediately, Clarke moaned loudly when she felt the brunette's tongue meeting her own and fight for dominance, one that was won by Lexa who was now also humming in enjoyment.

Panting and dreading to stop, Clarke had to separate from Lexa because she was not capable of holding her breath anymore. Instead of separating completely from Lexa, Clarke found refuge on the woman's neck, softly inhaling her scent and smiling in enjoyment. She felt strong arms wrap around her and hands exploring her hair, patiently putting it behind her eyes in a sweet gesture of affection. Separating from Lexa she looked at the beautiful woman in front of her and noticed the way blue eyes were staring longingly at her lips, obviously wanting more.

"Lexa." Clarke whispered.

"Do you want me to stop?" Lexa whispered while hugging Clarke tightly.

"Please don't." Clarke surrendered to her feelings. She couldn't help it, not anymore. She loved Lexa and there was nothing she could do about it, not after having tasted those lips.

"Good." Lexa murmured. "Because I do not think I am capable of stopping."

"Good thing I didn't ask you to." Clarke murmured and kissed her longingly. "Lexa..." she whispered. "My sweet Lexa."

"Eliza..." Lexa whimpered. "My beautiful Eliza."

Closing her eyes in contemplation, Clarke decided to once and for all abandon her past as Clarke. She was no longer that scared woman who lived to serve Finn. Now she was Eliza Taylor, paramedic student, art teacher and lover of Lexa Woods. Life was supposed to be more than just surviving. And she knew she deserved more than just that. And Lexa was her chance to start living. She was that new breath of fresh air. And she was going to take it.

CLCLCLCL

When Finn Collins called him with a new job offer he thought that it would be an easy one. In fact, he had expected to be done with the job in a matter of days and then take that well earned money and spend it on a nice trip to Spain. Nevertheless, it had been 4 weeks since that call and he still had nothing on Clarke Griffin. When he had told Finn that the woman was dead the man gave her their engagement ring, claiming that he had found it near the pipes. While his theory made sense, it had been a long time and still nothing popped up about his wife. No cards under her name, no bills that tied her to a physical place or no name on official records that could give him an idea of where she was. She had interviewed all her friends, swiftly asking them about any kind of information that could lead him to the woman, but just like the rest of people in this place, they were all convinced that Clarke was dead. And perhaps she was but Finn was too stubborn to accept it. She had see the paranoid way the man kept moving from one side to the other, never staying still. Not only that but the house was a mess and it showed that the woman had been the one responsible of keeping it clean and tidy. Huffing in anger, Murphy closed his eyes and tried to think of something he had not done. There must be one way in which he can find out more information or clue. Yet the woman took nothing with her, Finn claimed that she had no family left and that he was not sure of how she would be capable of surviving all by herself since she had been dependent on him.

Taking a look at the file on his desk he repeated everything he already know.

"Clarke Griffin was born in Des Moines, Iowa to parents Jake and Abigail Griffin. The two of them had died in a car accident and all their belongings were sold by Clarke when she went to the funeral."

Murphy had attempted to follow the money transaction, but once it became cash he lost it and assumed that Clarke had placed it in a secret account that Finn had no knowledge of. Contacting all the banks he knew, he grew discouraged when none remembered the woman. She had been clever and kept the money with her, keeping it hidden and safe until she could use it in order to leave. She had started college in Des Moines before she married Finn, and abandoned her career in favor of staying at home. Calling all the universities of the areas he was upset when none had the woman enrolled. It was as if she had disappeared from the face of the earth. And her husband was not a big help because he knew nothing important about her. He didn't know her hobbies, what she liked to do or what she favored as a style of clothes. It was obvious that to him the woman was an accommodation and comfort more than his actual wife. Nevertheless, Octavia Blake had been helpful when she mentioned that Clarke enjoyed art, which had led him to call art universities and ask about the woman. A similar result came back, no one knowing who this woman was.

Moving between pages that discussed art in Des Moines, Murphy stopped himself when she saw familiar blonde hair and green eyes staring at him. Opening the article, he stared in complete shock at the two women and little girl in the picture.

"Regina Woods, first place at school art competition. With her aunt Lexa Woods and teacher Eliza Taylor." he read and chuckled in complete shock.

"Well I'll be damned. The bastard was right after all." he said and immediately printed the picture with the caption.

Immediately sending the picture to Finn, he smirked when a couple of minutes later he checked that the money was in his bank account. Realizing that it was time to tell him where the blonde was, he felt no shame in explaining to him that Clarke Griffin had gone back to Des Moines, Iowa. The woman had gone home and no one had been smart enough to realize it until now.

CLCLCLCL

"Hi mom." Clarke smiled softly as she sat right next to her mother. "How are you?"

"I'm good dear, how about you?" Abby replied with a smile on her face.

"I'm good." Clarke couldn't stop herself from smiling. She had just finished talking with Lexa, well, kissing more than anything and it had been wonderful.

"Something happened to you." Abby realized.

"How do you know?" Clarke decided to be honest.

"You're smiling more than usual. It's like you're shining with happiness."

"I am happy." Clarke confessed, feeling for the first time that she was telling the truth.

"Could it have anything to do with Finn?" Abby insisted yet again in asking.

"No mom." Clarke tensed immediately. "I will not see Finn again." she repeated what she kept on telling her mother since she had remembered about her married life.

"But he is your husband dear. I'm sure what you fought about can be fixed."

"No it can't." the blonde replied strongly. "It can't because I don't love him anymore."

"Oh dear." Abby said condescendingly. "That always happens at one point in a marriage. What one must do is remember what united the two of you at the beginning and work on getting it back."

"No mom..." Clarke said exasperated. "I can't love him again because I love another."

"What?" Abby asked in complete shock.

"I fell in love with someone else mom. Someone who respects me, who sees me as the sun and moon and has been there for me since I came back to Des Moines."

"But you're married Clarke."

"Not anymore." she replied tersely.

"It is normal to get confused with a new romance dear. The passion, the excitement and desire of feeling young again can cloud your judgment and make you think that you're in love when all you're feeling is lust."

"I don't feel only lust. I love her mom!"

"Her?" Abby whispered.

"Yes, Lexa Woods. She is a wonderful woman and I am in love with her."

"But you're not gay Clarke." Abby replied after a while.

"I don't care about the gender of a person. What I care is if they love me and if I love them in return. And with Lexa that is the case."

"I don't know what to say Clarke."

"You could say that you're happy for me." she suggested sarcastically.

"Don't use that tone with me Clarke." she replied angrily. "You have shocked me and I have a right to be shocked. You disappear for years, happily married. Then you return without your husband and you're now telling me that you're in love with a woman."

"Yes that is true. But I'm back and I'm ready to start a new life. I don't want to see Finn again and I want you to support my decision mother."

"But..." Abby started to object.

"If you can't I understand. But don't ask me to leave Lexa because I won't. She makes me happy mom. A feeling that I haven't experienced in a long time."

Abby looked at the way her daughter was staring at her and she realized that she was being honest. Whatever secret Clarke was keeping from her was one that burdened her and it obviously involved her ex-husband. She could also see the way she was grabbing the chair, almost as if she was keeping herself here in this room and not go somewhere else, or worse, run away. Her daughter had been broken and she had been so self-absorbed in her own sorrow that she just discovered this now.

"Clarke..." Abby begged her daughter. "What happened dear? And tell me the truth."

"I can't mom." Clarke choked and tears started falling from her eyes. "I can't."

"What did he do to you?" Abby whispered completely terrified and immediately held her daughter's hands tight. "Please Clarke, trust me, trust your mother."

"He... he was awful mom. He hit me, he forced me to do things I didn't want to do." Clarke choked out. "I tried to resist at first, I tried to stay strong but he was stronger than me. I tried to leave but he wouldn't let me. Believe me, I tried mom." she was crying now. "And I felt so ashamed of myself, of being this shadow of the person I had been before leaving Des Moines. I was so afraid of what dad and you would think of me, of how differently you would look at me."

"Oh dear." Abby was crying now as well. "We would have protected you. We would have loved you just the same and kept you away from him." she hugged Clarke tightly to herself. "But you're safe now darling. You escaped him and he will never get you. We will make sure of that."

"I tried mom. But he has powerful friends, no one ever believed me and every time I tried to say something he punished me. It was horrible."

"He can't touch or hurt you again dear."

"I'm terrified of him finding me. I'm scared of what he could do to Lexa and her family. That's why I refused to act on my feelings until recently."

"Does Lexa know this?" Abby suspected the answer already.

"How could I tell her that being with me puts her in danger mom? After she confessed her love to me? I should have told her earlier and out of fear I didn't. Now it's too late."

"You must tell her, especially if you claim to love her as much as you say. She deserves to know the truth. And whatever she decides you must accept."

"I know." Clarke whispered. "But I don't want her to leave me. I'm scared she will leave me."

"You will not know what she does until you tell her dear." Abby gave her a sad smile. "And no matter what she says I will always be with you, always." Abby promised and hugged her one last time. "Now go dear, go tell the woman you love who you truly are."

"And who am I?" Clarke whispered.

"You are Clarke Griffin dear. Paramedic student, brilliant painter and the smartest and most wonderful woman I have ever known."

"Thank you mom." Clarke said and hugged her tightly one last time before leaving the hospice. There was a talk that she needed to have and she was terrified of what would come out of it.


	8. Je t'aimais, Je t'aime et Je t'aimerai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa goes to Eliza's place to get some answers, Anya questions Lexa about her loyalties and Finn gets closer to where his wife is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: You asked and I delivered! After that amazing episode that we had I just knew that I had to upload a new chapter for my story. I tend to upload shorter chapters than in other of my stories, but unlike those I upload two, one in Lexa's POV and another in Clarke's. Clarke's chapter will be updated either later today or tomorrow. Kudos and thanks for following and liking my story! Reviews are always welcomed!
> 
> PS: No Beta so all mistakes are mine. If you see any do point them out and I'll correct them :)

If someone would have told Lexa that she would fall in love with Eliza Taylor she would have laughed out loud. Not because Eliza wasn't attractive or anything like that, but because Lexa had convinced herself that love was an unnecessary pain. After Costia's death the brunette made a vow to not fall in love. She had experienced already the sorrow of outliving a loved one and she wanted to prevent that from happening again. Ironically, she broke her own rule when she moved back to Des Moines and started living with her sister and children; she immediately fell in love with them. And, although a small voice in the back of her mind whispered warnings to her, the joy of being with her sister and the kids was louder. So, when she first saw Eliza at the university she thought that the woman was beautiful and would be a fun person to know. Her intentions, in all honesty, had not been completely pure when they first spoke. The woman was intelligent, beautiful and charismatic, which were traits that Lexa appreciated. But it all changed when Eliza met the kids, how she took the time to get to know Gina, how she did her best to please her and calm Anya. How little by little she started to enter Lexa's heart by simply being there. Lexa was not naive, she knew that Eliza had a tumultuous past, one that she had not shared yet and that many times haunted her. It was easy to see, mostly because of the way Eliza would look at the window while they painted, how her eyes became hooded and her paintings acquired somber tones. Whatever Eliza was not telling her was definitely haunting the woman. Lexa knew all of this because she had seen that same look in her own eyes the following the months after Costia's death. Perhaps that was one of the things that made Lexa's feelings evolve, made them stronger and deeper. Perhaps it was because she admired Eliza for her determination at living again, for her compassion and patience when it came to dealing with her nephews or just because it was meant to be. Nevertheless, the result ended up being the same; Lexa in love with a woman that was still not over whatever she had experienced. And that terrified Lexa, made her feel that to invest herself in another person's tumultuous life was the last thing she needed to do. And yet here she was, waiting for Eliza to open the door and hopefully get some answers that would calm her beating heart and soaring emotions.

"Hi." Eliza smiled happily at her the moment she saw her outside. "What a wonderful surprise."

"Hey, I hope it is ok for me to drop by?" Lexa asked shyly.

"Of course it is Lexa!" Eliza assured her. "You know you are always welcomed here."

"I hope I continue to be after this talk." Lexa murmured and entered without Eliza hearing her. "How have you been?"

Lexa turned around and saw that Eliza was not listening at her. Instead, the woman was staring at the window, absorbed in her own mind and problems. Knowing that this was the fifth time she caught Eliza doing so, Lexa decided to get some answers.

"Earth to Eliza, earth to Eliza?" Lexa asked while moving behind Eliza and using her hand to get her attention.

"Sorry." she apologized while smiling softly at her. It would have been a convincing smile were it not for the way Eliza was looking at her.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes." Eliza smiled hesitantly and Lexa didn't believe her.

"No you are not. You have been like this for a while Eliza. I refused to talk about it because I wanted you to tell me what was going on. But I cannot wait any longer, not when you seem so scared." she decided to be honest and blunt. As expected Eliza huffed and her expression hardened.

"I'm not scared." Eliza refuted while sounding completely scared.

"That was a lame attempt at lying and you know it. You can trust me Eliza. I thought I had already proven that to you." Lexa said completely disappointed. _I thought I had earned her trust._

"I do trust you Lexa. You are the only person I trust." she whispered sadly. "But I can't, I can't tell you."

"Damn it Eliza." Lexa lost her cool. "Why do you not open yourself to me. I am here every time you need me. I am here, I am not leaving and yet you still do this to me."

"I'm sorry." Eliza whispered to her. "I know that this is unfair to you."

"What is unfair is that you are not even trying to let me in. Believe me, I know how hard it is to let other people in. I went through that as well." Lexa looked down in remembrance. "But how do you want me to keep helping you when you will not even help yourself?"

"It's not that simple Lexa." Eliza murmured.

"It is that simple Eliza!" Lexa screamed. "God, why do I do this to myself?" she whispered the last part.

"Do what?" Eliza asked softly.

"Fall in love with someone who does not love me back." Lexa confessed and saw Eliza's expression change to one of sorrow and longingness? "I knew you were not ready and I promised you friendship. And I am trying, God knows I am trying." she continued saying. "But you will not even give me that. So tell me, why do I keep coming back when you are not being a good friend? Why am I being such a masochist?"

"Lexa..."

"Do not try to condescend me Eliza." Lexa continued saying while refusing to look at Eliza. "I am a big girl and I am capable of doing so myself."

"Let me talk!" Eliza screamed at her and Lexa stopped talking. "I'm not doing this because I don't care about you Lexa. If you had any idea of how much I want to just grab you and kiss you."

_She wants me. She cares and wants me as well,_ Lexa thought and with her mind she started to close the distance between the two of them.

"But I can't do that. I can't..." Lexa had heard enough and stopped Eliza from saying anything more by pressing her lips on top of the blonde's.

If she thought that forgetting about Eliza was going to be almost impossible, Lexa was now sure that after kissing the woman such a thing would be impossible. The moment their lips crashed she felt herself falling, her legs becoming almost unresponsive because of the deep connection and longing she had felt for the woman in her arms. Eliza was kissing her back with everything she had, their bodies getting closer to one another and soft moans becoming the only noise in the apartment of the blonde. Refusing to separate from Eliza and hear her say that this was all a mistake, Lexa got even closer than before and started to use her tongue, softly asking Eliza for permission and smiling when she felt the woman opening her mouth in consent.

After a couple more seconds, or maybe minutes or even hours of kissing each other, Lexa felt Eliza moving away from her. But, she was also relieved to see that instead of separating completely from her, Eliza found refuge on her neck, softly inhaling her scent. Knowing that Eliza was trying to comfort herself, Lexa wrapped her arms around her started to move her hair back in place. After a while Eliza separated from her, smiling warmly at her while focusing on her lips and licking her own in response.

"Lexa." Eliza whispered to her while staring at her eyes in contentment.

"Do you want me to stop?" Lexa asked her and felt she had to hug the woman one last time before everything ended between them. It was going to be hard, but Lexa was going to do what Eliza asked of her.

"Please don't." Eliza whispered.

"Good." Lexa murmured with complete relief. "Because I do not think I am capable of stopping."

"Good thing I didn't ask you to." Eliza joked and was the one to initiate the kiss this time. "Lexa..." she whispered to her. "My sweet Lexa."

"Eliza..." Lexa whimpered her name like a long loved song. "My beautiful Eliza." she said while hugging Eliza closer to her and immediately promising herself to never leave this woman.

"I love you too Lexa." Eliza whispered softly to her and Lexa closed her eyes while feeling soft lips landing on top of hers. This was heaven and Lexa was going to enjoy her time in it.

CLCLCLCLCLCL

"So you were at Eliza's place for a while." Anya said to her the moment she opened the door to her sister's house.

"God, stalker much?" Lexa mocked her while closing the door. "I thought you were going to put the kids to bed?"

"I did." Anya smirked. "And then I waited for you to make it back."

"I was not there for that long."

"Are two hours not considered that long?"

"Two hours?" the brunette asked completely baffled.

"Yes." Anya smirked again. "So what was so important that you couldn't wait until your painting lesson with Gina tomorrow?"

"I told her how I feel." Lexa was honest. "I told her I loved her."

"Lexa..." Anya said condescendingly. "How can you be sure that what you feel is love? You just met her a month ago."

"I know Anya but that is what I feel." Lexa said determinedly. "And one thing I have always been proud of is that I do not hide or shy away from expressing my emotions. I am not going to start doing that now."

"I can understand that." Anya placated her. "But to confess your love is something very important and deep. Are you sure you did the right thing?"

"Are you asking me this because you still do not trust her? It has been a month already and she has been nothing but nice and sweet to your children Anya."

"I know that." her older sister said. "Gina loves her and I trust my child's judgment. But we also don't know much about her or her past. That makes me worry about you and the way you're getting involved in her life."

"What do you mean with knowing about her past?"

"A woman as beautiful and clever as that..." Anya started. "All alone without someone by her side? Isn't that strange?"

"What are you suggesting Anya?" Lexa started to get angry.

"Perhaps she's not telling us the whole truth or she's hiding something from you."

"You mean like a girlfriend or family?" Lexa laughed loudly. "Seriously?"

"I don't know Lexa!" Anya complained. "But I know that something doesn't match in her story."

"Whatever does not match does not concern us Anya!" Lexa said loudly.

"It concerns us because she is getting close to our family Lexa! But you're just too naive or too blind to realize it!"

"I would never compromise the safety of this family and you know that Anya." Lexa whispered angrily. "I have been here for you every step of the way since you had the kids. To hear you say that I do not care about them hurts."

Anya's anger tempered down after hearing this and she separated from Lexa to catch her breath.

"Of course I know that Lexa." Anya murmured. "But lately you're letting your feelings cloud your judgment. Perhaps I'm mistaken and Eliza is nothing more than a good woman who just moved to Des Moines. Or perhaps I'm right and there's something else going on, something that she's not telling you."

"Are you trying to hurt me Anya?" Lexa whispered without looking at her sister. "Are you trying to sabotage what I may have with Eliza just because the man you loved lied to you? Is that why you want to believe Eliza is doing the same to me?"

"You know it's not the same." Anya whispered angrily.

"Is it not? You met Frank and fell quickly in love with him. You thought he was the one in less time than I did and in a couple of months he left you and your newborn child alone because he had another family to take care of." Lexa hissed angrily.

"Just listen to yourself!" Anya screamed at her. "You have never said these things to me and now here you are starting a fight with the only family member you have left. And all because of a woman you have just met."

"I am not fighting because of Eliza." Lexa didn't back down. "I am fighting because you are being a hypocrite. Why is it so hard for you to tell me that you do not want to see what happened to you happen to me?"

"Of course I don't want you to be hurt!" Anya screamed even more. "I was devastated after Frank left me. I wanted to die." she said somberly. "But thanks to Gina and you I found a new reason to live. I found my way back to the light. Just as you did when Costia died."

"Do not get Costia involved in this."

"I won't. But I know that if something similar happened again you would blame yourself. And if there's one thing I know about you sis is that you may forgive everyone for their mistakes, everyone except yourself."

"There is always a risk when you care for someone that is not a part of your family." Lexa whispered after a while. "But that is a part of life that we cannot ignore. The day I decided to come back to Des Moines I made a risk. The day I decided to stay by your side was another risk I made. The day I decided to talk to the hot blonde woman in the university was another risk. And up until now I have not regretted any of these risks." she smiled softly at Anya. "So instead of reprimanding me for something that has not happened, and may or may not happen, why don't you ask me the typical sister questions?"

"And what are those?" Anya chuckled.

"Like if I kissed her? Or if she told me that she loved me too?"

"Did she?" Anya asked. "Tell you that she loved you?"

"She did." Lexa smiled warmly. "After I basically attacked her."

"You didn't!" Anya laughed and Lexa blushed.

"I did. But it was necessary and so worth it afterwards." Lexa blushed even more. "I know you do not trust her yet, but please try, for me."

"You really care about her."

"Her life has not been an easy one. And there is something that continues to haunt her." Lexa commented. "But that mystery makes her be even more wonderful."

"You're very strange Lexa." Anya muttered. "I would do everything in my power to stay away from a person that comes with big baggage and you do the opposite; get closer and closer to them."

"Eliza is different Anya. I know it. Her feelings are no lie and whatever haunts her is not something as toxic and damaging as what Frank did to you."

"I used to be just like you Lexa." Anya remembered. "And perhaps that's why I feel this need to warn you. I care about you, I love you and I want to do everything in my power to protect you."

"I can understand that." Lexa said while hugging Anya." But I also need to know that you trust me. And that you know that I would never put the safety of the kids at risk."

"I'm sorry for saying that." Anya apologized. "And I do trust you."

"Good." Lexa said seriously. "Because I love Eliza and I do not see my feelings for her diminishing, which means that you will see her around."

"I already see her around. She is my neighbor and she has bewitched my daughter as well as my sister." Anya murmured.

"The bewitching is mutual; Eliza really cares about her." Lexa smiled softly. "And that tells me that whatever evil thing you keep seeing in Eliza cannot be true. Not with the way she cares about Gina."

"I guess so." Anya compromised. "But just be careful."

"I will be." Lexa promised her sister. "Now are you ready to tell me why you asked me to wait until you came home?"

"Oh right..." Anya said embarrassed and this immediately caught Lexa's attention.

"Anya?" Lexa smirked. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"I met someone." she murmured.

"That is amazing Anya! Who is he?" she asked her sister.

"Her name is Raven."

_Her?_ Lexa heard and immediately started laughing out loud. The ironies of the world were immense.

"So Raven..." Lexa teased her. "And where did you meet Raven?"

"At work." Anya mumbled. "She came to the building as a representative of a smaller company that the bosses want to merge with. We started talking and one thing led to another."

"What do you mean by another?"

"I mean as in 'she's my girlfriend' way."

"Girlfriend?" Lexa laughed again. "And here you are telling me that I am moving fast."

"I can see the irony in my previous statements." Anya conceded angrily. "And you know that I'm usually not like this. But there's something about her that makes me act irrationally."

"Do not fight it Anya. If she is a good human being..."

"She's wonderful. Too good to be true."

"Then do not be afraid of the what ifs. Enjoy your time together."

"I am trying." Anya confessed. "But it's hard sometimes, especially after what I have been through."

"I know that." Lexa appeased her sister. "Does she know you have kids?" she had to ask the important question.

"Yes and she wants to meet them." Anya looked down and Lexa saw how nervous and unsure her sister was feeling.

"Those are good news Anya. It means that Raven is open and willing to listen and meet the most important people in your life. Not only that, but she knows where your priorities lie."

"But isn't it too soon for my children to meet her?"

"They do not have to meet her as your girlfriend Anya. They can meet her as your friend." Lexa reminded her. "And I am sure Raven will be completely fine with your decision."

"I know..." Anya agreed. "Guess I'm just afraid of her not liking my kids or the kids not liking her. They have never met anyone I've been interested in."

"You raised your kids wonderfully Anya, which makes me know that their opinion about Raven will be one based on what they see of her and not jealousy."

"Thank you Lexa." Anya hugged her. "Do you think it would be ok for you to be with us that day as well? You're part of my family too."

"Of course Anya. Anything for you." Lexa promised her and the two women relaxed in the couch, both of them thinking about the women in their life.

CLCLCLCLCL

House by house was blurring through his window, none really nice enough to pique his interest. Nevertheless, here he was in this forsaken and old town of Des Moines, one where he promised to never come back. And now that he was here all he could feel was anger. Anger at Clarke for forcing him to come back to face his shitty life, one that had changed the moment his parents 'died' in that fire many years ago. The end of their lives had been the beginning of his life, one filled with opportunities, wealth and a beautiful woman by his side. At first Raven had been enough for him; compliant and yet strong enough to stand up to him. To break her down had been fun, how he suggested changes at first and then how he taught her the way he liked things, rewarding her just like humans did with dogs when they behaved well. But like everything in his life in Des Moines, at one point Raven wasn't enough. He stopped seeing the charm in her, the beauty and dedication that many complimented him about becoming almost nothing in his eyes. Simply he got bored of her, and because of that decided to amicably end things and focus on another target. And that target was Clarke Griffin, a more passionate and independent person than Raven Reyes. Even getting her attention at first had been hard, since the two of them were friends with each other and Clarke refused to date the ex of her friend. Nevertheless, after months of being alone and getting on friendly terms with Raven, he managed to convince her of letting Clarke date him, arguing that her friend was saying no to him because of her. Knowing Raven, he knew that if he placed the blame on her the woman would agree to anything, even if by doing so hurt her.

After convincing Raven, things became easier with Clarke, romantic dates and details becoming routinary and interesting since Clarke was not like Raven. While Raven had been more hands-on than Clarke, the blonde also enjoyed from time to time a date to the racing pits or wrestling shows. While others time a romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant was what made Clarke reward him with a goodbye kiss on the lips. And since Finn knew that humans had to consent and give their pets love in order for them to give love back, Finn rewarded Clarke's love with more material things and goods. Hence, every time Clarke did something good for him she knew that he would give her something even better. And it seemed that her wife was happy with the ways things were, she even promised her love and devotion each time they were together. But it had obviously been a lie, one that Clarke built and made him believe like a damn fool. Such a fool that he had failed to see all the planning and scheming Clarke did behind his back, even being able to move back to the town she knew he hated as a sick way to get away from him. But he wasn't worried about that too much. No, he wasn't worried because he knew that pets sometimes misbehaved, especially when they were not reminded of who their master was. So, in order for Clarke to see that his way is the only right way, Finn had to find her and remind him of who was the boss, of who was the human. And damn him if he didn't, because his name was Finn Collins and he was going to find Clarke no matter what.

Because of that he hired John Murphy, a man from his company that was usually capable of finding dirt and secret information about their competition. But, unlike work related issues, Murphy was slow in finding Clarke's location, arguing that the woman had basically become a ghost: No bank accounts, no contracts, no bills, everything obviously paid in cash. Still, since in this modern age it is almost impossible to become a ghost unless you choose to isolate yourself from society, he found a picture of her with a small girl from a school art competition. So, since he had no address for her house, Finn was going to start his search by going to the school and ask about her. This was the beginning of his path back to Clarke, one that he was not going to stop going through until he found her and took them back home, where they belonged.

"That is a promise." he vowed while driving to the hotel where he would be staying. "I promise to find you no matter what Clarke."


	9. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke meets Anya's girlfriend, secrets are revealed and Finn makes a house visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Here is Clarke's chapter! Hope you all like it! I promise to try to upload the new one as soon as possible :)
> 
> Trigger warnings: remembrance of past abuse. 
> 
> PS: No Beta so all mistakes are mine.

Being with Lexa was not as Clarke expected it to be: It was so much better. She had been afraid of being in a relationship that would remind her of her time with Finn. But the moment she went out with Lexa she realized that it was completely different. Perhaps because she was no longer the same naive woman that had believed Finn's lies, or because Lexa was nothing like him, but each time they saw each other the sparks flew and their feelings were quite obvious. The way Lexa stared at her, as if she had never seen a woman as beautiful as her, or the way she took Clarke's feelings and emotions in consideration was something completely new to the blonde woman. She had been used to Finn dominating every aspect of her life, every dinner, every food she had and almost everything she said. But now it was different; now she had the chance to be her true self, to say what she wanted to say and act the way she wanted to act. It was refreshing and terrifying to have found this new freedom, but at the same time it was not. Clarke was happier, more willing to go outside and function out of the routine she had created for herself while staying in Des Moines. She spent time in school studying, sometimes on study groups with fellow students and other times she took Gina and Lexa to different spots to paint. The company of the two women calmed her tremendously, and it was obvious that Lexa enjoyed each new place they discovered because Clarke was a native and Lexa was not. So, many times while Gina and her painted, Lexa took out of her many books and started to recite to the two of them, which made their environment become peaceful and calm. Smiling at the lengths Lexa was going to in order to get Gina interested in books, Clarke was amazed at the sudden happiness she had found for herself. Her mother's words were still bothering, her desire to just confess everything to the woman she loved overwhelmed her and shadowed the tranquility and security she had discovered. She knew she had to confess, and the more she waited the worst it would be because hiding the truth was the same as lying to Lexa about it. But at the same time she couldn't tell her, not when she stared at Lexa and got distracted by her eyes or the way she smiled. She wanted that smile to belong to her, to be directed at her and for her to be the reason behind it. And telling her about her past, about Finn and the possible threat of him finding her were ways in which that smile was not going to happen.

But with each step she grew closer to Lexa, and because of that bond she also got closer to the kids. And no matter how risky it was for her relationship, she was never going to place herself above the safety of those kids. So because of that Clarke had decided to confess everything to Lexa this evening during their weekly date. There had been something that the brunette woman had been dying to tell her, and no matter how many times Clarke tried to convince her, Lexa refused to spill the beans until they were in the same room. So, although Clarke was afraid of ruining everything she knew that it was too risky for Lexa and the kids to get closer to her. She couldn't do that to Lexa, no matter how much it would hurt her to stay away from Lexa, to move out of this house and find a new place to begin anew. Lexa deserved her happiness and Clarke was convinced that it was not going to be with her. Not if Finn was still around, always threatening the security of the people who got close to her.

"Eliza!" she heard an excited Lexa enter her house and she smiled warmly at the brunette. "I have missed you." she told her while kissing her longingly.

Clarke hummed at feeling soft lips on top of hers, strong and safe hands touching her softly and a lean and fit body molding against hers while keeping her close. How much she loved this woman and how desperate she was of showing her this.

"Lexa..." she huffed while taking a breath after their long kiss. "What was that for?" she smiled softly. "And you just saw me this afternoon."

"Can I not kiss my girlfriend each time I see her?" she pouted.

"Of course you can. And I'm not complaining, as you may have noticed."

"Good." Lexa enclosed her arms around her waist and Clarke hummed in contentment. "Because it is getting harder to stay away with you with each time I come to see you."

"I know." Clarke agreed while pecking Lexa's lips. "But I also know that this isn't the whole reason for your presence here." she winked at her. "So tell me what has gotten you all excited."

"I did not tell you earlier because I promised Anya not to." she started to say.

"If it has something to do with Anya and you're not meant to tell me then don't. You know I'm afraid of what your sister is capable of doing to me." she half-joked because she was honestly afraid of the older Woods.

"Do not be silly. Anya would never hurt you, besides, she is getting to like you." Lexa winked at her. "You are very charming and almost impossible to resist Eliza." she kissed Clarke again and the two of them got lost in each other's lips.

"Noted." Clarke hummed. "So you couldn't tell me what."

"Anya is dating."

"Good for her." Clarke honestly said. "So who is the guy?"

"It is a woman!" Lexa said and Clarke laughed with Lexa as well.

"Well that's indeed interesting. I thought Anya only liked men."

"As did I. Guess there is something you two have in common." she joked and Clarke laughed.

Although Clarke had not been honest with Lexa about Finn, in every other aspect of her life she had told the truth. About her sexuality, about her studies, about her father and about her mother. She held no secrets with the brunette, apart from the huge one that was capable of ruining what the two shared.

"I will mention it to her the next time I see her." Clarke joked.

"That will be sooner than what you think." Lexa said while grabbing her hand and pushing her out of the house. "Because we are going to her house to meet the girlfriend."

"What, now?" Clarke asked completely baffled. "But I had something important to tell you."

"After the dinner." Lexa promised. "But I need to be there for Anya since I already gave her my word. But I also do not want to be alone while the two flirt and then meet the kids. I need my girlfriend with me as well."

"As long as Anya is ok with this..." she muttered in acceptance.

"Of course she will be."

"You mean you haven't told her?!"

"You know I am more of a show than tell woman Eliza." Lexa winked at her and opened the door to Anya's house. "We are here!" the brunette screamed while closing the door.

"Auntie Lexa!" they heard Adam running towards them. "And Eliza!" he smiled at her and opened his arms in a clear sign of wanting a hug.

"Hey Adam!" Clarke kneeled and immediately hugged him. "How are you?"

"I'm ok." he said while staring at Lexa. "Why do we have to dress clothes like this?" he complained while looking at himself.

"Because mommy wants you to meet a friend of her." Lexa explained to him. "And speaking of mommy, I thought she was here?"

"She is." he explained to them. "With Gina in her room finding something to wear.

"But mommy I don't want to wear that dress!" they heard Gina complain and the two women laughed loudly.

"Every day she becomes more like you." Clarke whispered to Lexa who blushed. "I guess that's why I love her as well."

"She is smart and knows that I am a good role model." Lexa joked. "You two stay here while I go calm down my sister."

"Sure thing." she smiled and then looked at Adam. "Would you like to go play some video games until they come down? I bet I can beat you this time."

"Ok!" he exclaimed and immediately took her to the television room. "But you'll have to turn it on. Mom doesn't let me do it by myself." he pouted.

"And she's very smart in doing so. It's dangerous if you don't know what you're doing." Clarke said to appease him while turning the Wii on. "Ok, we're good to go!" she smiled while giving Adam the main remote. "Are you ready to lose?"

"Nuh nuh." he said and they started to play against each other.

While Clarke was not very good at these kinds of games, she was definitely better than Adam, who sometimes struggled to move the remote in the right direction. Nevertheless, she still pretended to be very bad and lost on purpose, making the boy squeal in happiness.

"I beat you I beat you!" he said while doing a victory dance around her.

"It can't be possible!" she exaggerated while kneeling in front of him. "Mercy, mercy..."

"No mercy for losers." he said while sticking his tongue out.

"She's letting you win silly." Gina said from behind.

"No she's not." Adam immediately started to fight.

"I'm not." Clarke gave Gina a look that basically said 'if you say that again I will kill you'.

Raising her hands in mock surrender, Gina went to where Clarke was and gave her a long hug. Too long for it to be just a welcoming one.

"What's wrong sweetie?" she asked while putting another game for Adam to play. "Did something happen?"

"Not yet." she confessed and looked at her. "I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

"That friend my mom wants us to meet, she's not just a friend."

"Not just a friend?" Clarke pretended to play dumb. _Smart girl._

"Don't lie to me, I know you know what I mean. She's like you're with Auntie Lexa. Like girlfriend."

"Oh..." Clarke said. She still remembered that day they had to tell Gina about their relationship. There was no chance for them to evade the conversation since the girl had caught the two of them kissing. "Are you upset about that?"

"Of course not." the girl said exasperated. "I'm just worried that mommy likes her more than us."

"You know that isn't true." Clarke immediately defended Anya. That woman loved her children more than anything. "Your mother loves and will always love you. The fact that she wants you to meet her 'friend' is a way of her to show you two. She's very proud of you two and she wants to show the woman she likes the people she loves most."

"I don't understand." Gina murmured.

"It's hard to explain." Clarke agreed. "But trust me when I tell you that Anya will never stop loving you. In fact, you two will always be her first choice. Always."

"And how can you be sure of that?"

"Because you're her children. A mother will always, always put her children first. Mine did it, and her mother did it as well."

"Ok..." Gina said temporarily appeased. "Thank you for listening to me."

"Of course darling. You know I will always be here for you." _I hope,_ Clarke thought while receiving a hug from the little girl.

"Can I join that hug?" Lexa asked them while entering the room.

"The more the merrier." Clarke said and immediately felt strong arms wrapped around them. "You too Adam!" she said and the little boy came as well.

"So why are we hugging?" Adam asked and all of them laughed.

"Your sister just needed a little loving." Clarke said while staring at Lexa. "Where is Anya?"

"Waiting outside for Raven who got lost."

"What?" Clarke asked completely baffled. _This is just a coincidence, a funny and weird coincidence,_ she started telling herself.

"Yes, I do not know how one can get lost when this house is very distinctive." Lexa misunderstood her. "Oh good they are here." she stood up and turned around to talk to the two women.

"Raven, I want you to meet my sister Lexa." Anya said.

"A pleasure." Clarke knew that voice very well.

"And apparently she brought her girlfriend as well."

"Come on Anya, the more the merrier. Besides, we all like Eliza." she turned around and helped Clarke up. "This is my girlfriend Eliza." Lexa turned her around and she now stood in front of her best friend.

"Clarke?" the woman whispered while getting closer to her. "It can't be you." she continued saying with tears in her eyes.

"You must be mistaken." Lexa started to say.

"I know my best friend!" she said angrily. "You died." she said and everyone in the room froze. "I went to your funeral! I cried for you!"

"Raven..." Clarke begged her friend to understand. "Not now." she looked at the children and then at Lexa who was staring at her in complete shock.

"Kids..." Anya was the first one to talk. "Why don't you go to your room to play some games. Dinner won't be ready for a while."

"But..." Gina started to say.

"Now!" Anya ordered and the two children ran up the stairs. "And you!" she looked angrily at Clarke. "Explain what is going on."

"I..." Clarke was so lost. This was not the way she wanted to explain things. Not when she could see how shattered and destroyed Lexa was. "Lexa..." she begged the brunette.

"What are you doing here?" Raven said while placing herself in front of her. "And Finn..."

"Finn?" Anya asked with a murderous look on her face.

"Her husband." Raven whispered.

"Husband?!" Anya yelled and Clarke was pushed against the wall. She whimpered. "You're married?"

"Yes. But it's not like that."

"It never is! Trust me, I know all about that." Anya yelled at her. "I want you to leave my house, my sister and my kids alone."

"Lexa..." Clarke begged the brunette to look at her. "Please Lexa, look at me."

"Is your name Eliza?" she whispered with sorrow.

"No." she looked down in shame. "My name is Clarke Griffin. And like Raven said, I am married."

"Why? Why would you do this to me?" Lexa started crying.

"Lexa" Clarke tried to get closer. "It's not as it seems. I love you."

"Don't tell me that!" the brunette screamed at her. "Don't fucking lie to me."

"Lexa..." Clarke whimpered. "Please..."

"Just leave." she pointed towards the door. "I don't want to see you."

"Just let me explain." she tried again. "And if you still don't want to see me then I will do as you ask."

"She doesn't want to talk to you." Anya grabbed her roughly. "So leave." she pushed her outside and closed the door.

Knowing that there was no point in asking to go back, Clarke silently turned around and made her way back home, one that was no longer a home because she lost she woman she loved.

CLCLCLCLCL

_(Flashback to Earlier That Same Day)_

"We don't have a woman by that name working for us." the secretary said while smiling politely.

"But it says here that she's a teacher." Finn smiled charmingly and showed her the picture. "I'm her husband and I just want to surprise her at work."

"Then you're not at the right place." the woman said condescendingly. "Because just because the woman is in this picture that doesn't mean she works for us."

"But the little girl is a student here."

"I'm not at liberty to say that." she said but winked at him in encouragement.

"Would it be possible for me to talk to her? Ask her if she knows where my wife could be at now?"

"I don't know." the young woman said while turning around.

"I won't tell anyone." he promised. "And I just want to ask her if she knows where she is. I promise I won't get you in any problems."

"If you're really her husband." she started to say but then got interrupted.

"Excuse me." an older woman said while staring reproachfully at the younger one. "How may I help you?"

"I was wondering if it would be possible for me to speak with Regina Woods?"

"Only parents and authorized people are allowed to see or contact Miss Woods. Are you on her list?" she asked the man suspiciously.

"She just wants to talk to her because she may know where her wife is." the younger woman interjected.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you that it is against school policy for us to allow such a thing. You will have to wait for your wife to meet with you." she said determined.

"Of course." he managed to smile. "Good day." he finished and immediately left them. _I was so close._

"We do not make exceptions for anyone." the older woman was scolding the younger one.

"But he seemed sincere. And isn't it romantic?"

"I don't care about his intentions or his reasons, but it is our responsibility to keep our students safe and allowing a stranger to talk to a little girl is not the way to do so."

"I understand." the young woman really did and was scolding herself for being such a fool. "It won't happen again."

_So there goes my chance at charming her,_ Finn thought while walking to the parking lot of the school. Turning around, he started to walk towards his car in hope of being able to see the little girl and where she lived. That way, he would be able of keeping tabs on her house and hopefully see Clarke making her way there or even stop her before she could go the house. That way he wouldn't have to stay for long in this awful town.

When Finn saw the little girl he smiled in contentment, happy that his plan was working and that the woman who had just picked up the child was the other woman in the picture. Quickly turning on his car, he kept his distance while following them, careful of not making the woman be suspicious of him. A couple of minutes went by in which all he did was follow, boring after boring house going by in a blur. So when the woman finally stopped he did the same, parking his car a couple of spots away from them, carefully keeping watch. The woman and young girl came out of their own car, softly talking with one another and smiling at what they were telling each other. Finn tuned their conversation out while waiting, quickly imagining how it would be to see Clarke again, to hold her and keep her all to himself. But at the same time she had to pay for her disobedience, had to see that everything he does is for her good and their family.

In fact, watching the small girl made Finn want to have a daughter as well, one more thing for him to control and for him to use against Clarke. Because there would be no way Clarke would abandon him and their child. Knowing that this was the way to keep Clarke by his side until the end of time, Finn smiled in delight and desire at imagining the process of making said child. It had been a long time since he had sex, mostly because he was used to Clarke pleasuring him when he wanted. Even the thought of the woman touching him, of her legs wrapped around him and her breast under him made him hum in excitement, the clear sign of his arousal becoming more perked under his pants. Enjoying the feeling for a moment, Finn closed his eyes and everything made sense, all the anger and revenge he had desired to inflict on Clarke was mostly gone. Yes, a child would be suffice for him to forget this incident and forgive the woman.

Hours went by and no sign of Clarke, nor of the young girl or woman. It seemed as if they remained inside, a fact that infuriated Finn and made her realize that the longer he stayed inside the car in this parking spot the more suspicious it would become. Resigning himself to call it a day and try again tomorrow, he stopped moving when he finally saw Clarke approaching the house right next to the one of the little girl. She was just as beautiful as ever, even more so with her short hair and he was happy of the new look his wife had. Preparing himself to just get out of the car and talk to her, he stopped when he saw the door of the girl's house open and the brunette woman quickly exiting it. When she called Clarke by the name Eliza and her wife stopped and turned around with a smile on her face, Finn knew that there was something going on. When the brunette finally got to where Clarke was standing, she grabbed her hand and started playing with it while talking, the two women chuckling with each other. Getting angry at the carefree and relaxed interaction Clarke was having with a strange woman, Finn almost left the car when he saw that woman kiss Clarke on the lips, a kiss that was heartedly reciprocated by his wife.

"Excuse me sir?" a man asked him from outside his window. "Are you waiting for someone?" he asked him suspiciously.

"Excuse me?" he tried to look away from the two women kissing but he couldn't.

"You have been parked here for a while, so I'm asking you again, are you looking for someone?"

"No." he muttered. "Seems I got confused."

"Then I suggest you leave before I call the police." the man threatened him and Finn decided that if he wanted to come back he had to leave right now.

"Of course. My apologies." he muttered and with one last look he drove away from Clarke. He was almost there.

_(End of Flashback)_

CLCLCLCLCL

Clarke found out that it was hard to see in the middle of the dark while crying her eyes out. Still, she quickly made her way back to her own house, completely devastated at the way things had turned out to be. Fumbling for her keys in the dark, Clarke huffed in annoyance when it took her a while to find them. So, when she finally managed to open the door, Clarke felt her foot hit something while she was entering the house. Blindly reaching for it, the blonde simply took the box and brought it inside her house, desperate to just close the door and try to forget about this awful day. Closing her eyes in surrender and sadness, Clarke left the box on the table and went to the kitchen to get a cup of water. Just thinking about Lexa was painful, her eyes and the way she had stared at her, refusing to trust their love and the promises they made to each other. She understood, and yet it angered her how fast Lexa turned on her, how quickly she allowed her sister to convince her and not give her a chance. And Raven, who would have thought that her best friend would find her way inside her little family, the one she had been desperate to have with Finn but ended up getting with Lexa.

Closing her eyes in surrender, Clarke left the kitchen and started to get ready to go to her room, only to stop when she noticed how the box looked like. Feeling her body freeze in fear, Clarke started shaking when she noticed the familiarity of said box, the detail that was in it and how many times she had seen it before. Hoping that this was all just a trick of her mind, Clarke pinched herself and again opened her eyes, only to see the same box. Feeling tears coming to her eyes, Clarke was making her way towards the kitchen in order to get a knife when she heard someone knocking on her door.

_He found me,_ Clarke thought and stayed still, hoping that Finn would just assume that she was not home. Nevertheless, the same knocking pattern started and this time she heard a familiar voice screaming.

"Clarke Griffin, if you don't open this door I will kill you for real!" Raven screamed and Clarke temporarily relaxed.

Quickly going to the door and watching through the peephole to confirm that her friend was alone, Clarke opened the door and pulled Raven in without looking outside, immediately closing and locking the door.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Raven screamed at her again. "Are you fucking insane?"

"Raven..." Clarke whispered and the brunette finally paid attention to her and how she was.

"Clarke, what happened?" Raven asked softly. "Why would you do something like this to Finn, to Lexa?"

"Raven..." she continued in her almost catatonic state. "He found me..."

"Who found you?" Raven was now worried.

"Finn." she started crying. "He found me Raven and he will take me home. He will make me pay for what I did. For leaving him."

"Finn will take you home?" Raven was getting more scared. "But he's your husband. And he misses you. I saw it during your funeral." she murmured.

"He found me Raven, he found me." Clarke continued mumbling while pointing towards the box.

"Finn's box." Raven murmured, knowing very well what that was.

"He left it at the door. He wants me to know he found me." Clarke whispered.

Gulping in fear, Raven stepped closer to the box, determined to open it and see what Clarke was so terrified about. Taking a deep breath, Raven used her hand to lift the lid of the box and she opened her eyes in shock when she saw what was inside of it. Pictures, of Clarke and Lexa, where spattered all over it, with a big X on Lexa's face and many circles around Clarke's. But that was not the worst part of it. In fact, the worst was the letter that came with the box, Finn's familiar handwriting showing Raven that he wrote all of this.

_Dear Clarke,_

_I am not happy with the way you have_

_been behaving yourself. What I just saw is something_

_that I'm not sure I'll be capable of forgiving. I am your husband_

_and you're my wife. You're my property, you're mine. It seems that_

_being away from me has made you forget this. I promise you, my love,_

_that the moment we are finally together I will make you remember your promise;_

_To be with me until death do us part._

_Remember Clarke, you belong to me..._

"Clarke..." Raven whispered in complete shock and fear. "What is happening? What did Finn do to you?"

"He hurt me Raven." Clarke whimpered. "He hurt me every day. I had to get away, and that's why I threw myself out of the boat. I knew it was the only chance he would stop looking for me. Until death do us part." she repeated the last sentence of the card.

"But you could divorce him Clarke, you could have found a better way?" Raven argued.

"Could I?" Clarke laughed humorlessly. "You know how powerful he is Raven, how much control he has and how corrupt he is. I tried at first, to leave, to tell someone what was happening but no one believed me. I really tried." she cried.

"I'm sorry Clarke." Raven kneeled and hugged her friend tightly. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you about him. I knew he was weird, but I thought that was it, that he was into BDSM or those kinds of things. But I never thought that..."

"It's not your fault." Clarke said. "It's mine. For being with him, for marrying him."

"You couldn't have known." Raven appeased her.

"And now Lexa hates me." Clarke started crying again.

"Why didn't you tell her Clarke?"

"Would you? Would you have told her about your sick husband hitting and torturing you every day for the last four years? Or the fact that you had to fake your death in order to be free? And what if Finn ended up finding me, do you think he would let Lexa just be? Especially when he knows she is aware of the monster he is?"

"No." Raven understood even more.

"I tried to stay away from her, I tried to be alone. But I fell in love with her Raven. She helped me see that life was about more than just surviving. And now she's gone."

"She's confused, just as I was. And Anya is very protective of her." Raven smiled softly. "A reason why I love her."

"I know..." Clarke sniffed. "And perhaps it's better this happened."

"What do you mean?"

"That way I can just leave. And now I will have to leave. Finn knows I'm here. Leaving will make him follow me away from Des Moines, from Lexa, the kids and you."

"So you will run until he finds you and takes you back with him?" Raven asked angrily.

"I will never go back. I'd rather die." Clarke vowed.

"So what, you just die for real now? There must be another way. Tell the police here in Des Moines, they will keep you safe."

"I don't think so Raven. Even if they believe me, I just have that box and no physical contact with him. He hasn't called or anything else. I can't get a restraining order or police protection."

"This sucks." Raven said angrily. "I will stay with you tonight."

"No Raven. You must go back to Anya's place and stay there."

"You're my best friend Clarke, even if you have been a bad one to me." Raven tried to joke. "Which means that I will protect you."

"I don't deserve your kindness." Clarke whispered.

"And you don't deserve what Finn is doing to you." Raven promised. "Now let's go upstairs and lock ourselves until the morning." the brunette led her to her room and Clarke closed her eyes in temporary relief.

Little did she know that her nightmare was just beginning.


	10. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa seeks Clarke, Clarke reveals the truth, Anya accepts the way things are, Finn gets closer to his goal and Raven is a criminal mastermind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: 3 chapters in two days?! I'm so excited about 3x04 that I have been writing this chapter like crazy, hoping to release it before the episode premieres. So enjoy this long chapter and let's all die together while watching the 100 this thursday. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Mentions of past abuse with graphic descriptions. 
> 
> PS1: No Beta so all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> PS2: Thank you for the huge amount of follows and favorites that I have received. 
> 
> PS3: Next chapter will be after episode 3x04

"Where is Raven?" Lexa asked her sister after she made the kids go to bed.

"Eliza's, I mean Clarke's place." Anya huffed in anger. "She will stay there the night."

"What?" Lexa asked completely confused. "Why?" _That should be me._

"I don't know. She just told me to trust her and to tell you that the story behind all of this is more than what you think."

"I do not think anything." Lexa whispered darkly. "She lied to me, just as you told me she would. And she is married, just like you suspected."

"I knew it."

"Are you happy and relieved that all your suspicions were correct? That I made a fool of myself again?" Lexa said while crying.

"Of course not." Anya flinched when Lexa refused to be comforted. "It pains me to see you like this."

"It hurts so much." Lexa confessed while staring at her sister. "How did you get over the pain?"

"I haven't." Anya murmured. "But I know that I have people who love and need me. That makes me stay strong. For them."

"Tomorrow I will be strong." Lexa promised her sister. "But not today. I just lost the woman I love."

"You haven't lost her." Anya found herself whispering.

"But she lied."

"And I hate her for doing that." Anya said angrily. "But if Raven is there with her then I know something else is going on."

"So you trust that Raven is there because it is the right thing?"

"I just trust Raven's judgment, and if she believes that Clarke deserves her company then I won't judge her decision to be with her."

"I should be there." Lexa whimpered. "She told me earlier that there was something she needed to tell me. I did not give her the chance because we had to get here."

"She had many opportunities to tell you, she chose not to." Anya reminded her.

"She tried, but she always stopped herself. She was scared."

"I don't know what she was, but she lied to us, she lied to the kids!" Anya exclaimed. "So what do I tell Gina and Adam, that Auntie Lexa's girlfriend is no more?!"

"I am sorry Anya. I promised you to not get the kids hurt and this happened."

"This is not on you. It's on her." Anya promised her sister.

"I cannot stay here while I know Raven is consoling her. I just cannot." Lexa started moving around the house in desperation. "No matter how much I try to convince myself, I love her and I will not stop to do so."

"Then go." Anya murmured. "Go talk to her and close this chapter."

"Close the chapter?" Lexa whispered.

"Or keep it open for all you want." Anya said suddenly. "But remember that your decision not only affects you, but Gina and Adam as well. You come in a package, dear sister, and no matter how much I love you I will always put my children first."

"I would not ask you to do the opposite." Lexa smiled softly. "I will come back." she whispered while leaving the living room.

"Good luck Lexa." Anya whispered and texted Raven.

" _She's going there. I hope you know what you're doing."_

 _"Trust me Anya, Clarke and your sister deserve better than what they've had. Or at least Lexa deserves to hear the truth and Clarke the chance to explain."_ she got a text back from Raven.

"Annoying woman that can't stop herself from meddling in other people's affairs." Anya mumbled with a soft smile on her face. "Which is why I love her."

CLCLCLCLCL

"What is that?" Clarke asked Raven who was lying next to her. "I heard something."

"It's Lexa knocking." Raven simply said and started to get up.

"Wait Raven. You don't know that and after what just happened Lexa wouldn't come here." she whispered sadly.

"She would if she knows that you're not ok. That woman loves you Clarke. You're lucky."

"And she's unlucky by being with someone like me. Someone broken and damaged."

"Nonsense. Perhaps you have a little more baggage than other people but you're still a wonderful, warm and charming woman." Raven smiled softly at her. "Anyone would be lucky to be with you."

"Anya wouldn't agree with you."

"Anya was the one that told Lexa to come." Raven winked at her. "You just need to know which buttons to press when it comes to talking to that woman."

"You obviously know them." Clarke couldn't stop herself from saying and Raven laughed.

"I have missed you." Raven whispered. "When I heard you died..." she choked. "I couldn't breathe."

"I'm sorry Raven." Clarke hugged her. "But it was the only way I could get away from him."

"I understand." Raven ended the hug and quickly went down the stairs.

"Wait." Clarke ran to the kitchen to grab a knife. "Better be safe than sorry."

"Ok Xena." Raven checked through the peephole and opened the door when she confirmed that it was Lexa.

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered longingly when she saw the woman she loved quietly enter her house.

"Clarke." Lexa said her name and it sounded wrong, resentful.

"I think I should give you two a chance to talk." Raven said to no one in specific. "If you need me I will be upstairs." she said to Clarke.

"Thank you Raven." the blonde whispered while refusing to look away from Lexa.

"Anything for you." Raven promised her with a soft smile.

"So, Raven seems to like you." Lexa spat out.

"We were friends for many years. She's the sister I never had." Clarke admitted while looking down in sadness.

"Who thought you were dead."

"It's complicated." Clarke murmured.

"You have said that already."

"I know I have!" Clarke screamed. "Believe me when I tell you that this was unexpected. I never meant to fall in love with you. I came back to Des Moines because I wanted to start a new life: One away from Finn, from pain, from sadness. And I believed that going to school and being close to my mother was going to be enough. But then I met you." she looked at Lexa. "The way you talked to me, the way you saw me and the way you cared about me were things I had not been used to."

"But you were married." Lexa started to argue, trying her best to stay strong and firm.

"Only in contract." Clarke whispered. "But I was more his slave than his wife."

"What do you mean?" the brunette whispered, already suspecting what the blonde woman was going to tell her.

"For four years I was married to Finn Collins." Clarke closed her eyes. "For four years I had to wake up and make his breakfast. Place it on the table and immediately clean the apartment. Everything had to be placed in the same spot, if not there were consequences." she chuckled darkly. "After that I had to put his coat on top of him, kiss him goodbye and tell him that I loved him. I had to lie everyday because the moment he first hit me was the moment I stopped loving him." Clarke whispered.

"Clarke..." Lexa wanted the blonde to stop.

"Afterwards I had to clean the house, pay the bills and then dutifully wait for him to come back from work. I knew that some days he was going to be late, which gave me the chance to go to the community pool at the YMCA and have swimming lessons. I felt free during those stolen moments, felt that if I closed my eyes I would realize that this was nothing more than a bad dream." Clarke smiled sadly. "But the moment he came back from work my torture began anew: I had to cook dinner, clean his clothes, strip him naked and then let him touch me." she looked at Lexa and saw the desperation and hate in her eyes.

"I had to let him put his hands on me, let him press himself against me and take me without a word in the bed. It was painful, it was excruciating sometimes. But he didn't care. Sometimes, when he wanted to punish me for some mistake I did he used a belt, restraints or his own body to show me who I belonged to. Once he was done I had to stay in bed, the feel and taste of him lingering on my skin and making it impossible for me to forget what he just did to me."

"Clarke." Lexa whimpered while closing her eyes. _This explains so much..._

"And the next morning was the same. I had to move quietly around the apartment to take a shower, to see the bruises on my body and sometimes the blood splattered near my tights. I had to sob quietly in the shower, ashamed of the life I had and the way I was incapable of escaping it."

"But you could have left him." Lexa tried to understand. _Why wouldn't she leave a man like that?_

"Finn is very wealthy and important. He has many powerful friends and they never believed me. And when they informed Finn of what I told them I paid the consequences."

"How did you then?"

"Escape?" Clarke laughed humorlessly. "I faked my own death, almost dying in the process. I threw myself out of a ship in the middle of a storm and I prayed that I would survive the swim back to the shore. Turns out those lessons at the YMCA were my saving grace and what helped Finn assume that I had died. He believed that I didn't know how to swim." she clarified to the brunette.

"I left and came to Des Moines, knowing that I had to change my name and appearance in order to survive. Were he to find me he would have taken me back to that prison. I vowed to never go back there, not after having experienced the freedom of living away from him. But I didn't count on meeting and falling in love with you."

"Oh Clarke." Lexa was now crying as well. "Why did you not tell me this sooner?"

"I was embarrassed and scared. Embarrassed because I was not that independent woman you got attracted to. Scared because if Finn knows that you're aware of him then he could hurt you or your family. I couldn't let that happen."

"I would have understood." Lexa promised.

"I know that. But I didn't want to ruin what we had. I was a coward Lexa, but I was a coward because I have never felt like this before. You make me feel as if there is nothing that can stop me. You are a ray of light in my darkened world. You are hope, Lexa."

Lexa started sobbing. "You cannot tell me these things. Do you know how many months I have waited for you to tell me all of this? And now, now that all I want to feel is anger and hatred towards you you decide to tell me?"

"I just wanted to keep you safe. I love you Lexa, like I have never loved another person before. Please believe that and what we had to be true. I never lied to you, not when it came to knowing me."

"So your father is really dead?"

"Yes..." Clarke whispered. "And my mom is in a hospice here in Des Moines. I had to drop my studies after marrying Finn because he didn't want me to study. To control my method of income. I do paint as a hobby, I love to read. Reading was what kept me sane while being with Finn. He wouldn't let me go out so the only way for me to explore the world was through books."

"Clarke." Lexa whispered while getting close to her. "I believe you."

"You do?" Clarke asked hopefully.

"Yes, I do." Lexa continued saying. "And I forgive you."

"But..." Clarke knew that it was not going to be so easy to earn Lexa's trust back.

"But I am still hurt." the brunette confessed. "I know you had your reasons for lying to me, that I understand. But the fact that you kept all of this hidden from me hurts me."

"I was going to tell you. Today." Clarke chuckled. "But it seems life got ahead of me."

'You could say that." Lexa attempted to joke. "I do not want to give up on you."

"I don't want you to." Clarke whispered.

"And I still love you Clarke, very much." Lexa promised.

"But you need time." Clarke understood.

"But I need time."

"Then that's what I'll give you Lexa." Clarke smiled sadly.

"Wait Clarke..." Lexa stopped the blonde from opening the door. "There is something you are not telling me. The reason why Raven is staying here for the night."

"Tomorrow I'm leaving Des Moines."

"Leaving?" Lexa whispered. "But you said you would give me time? Is this because I told you that I am not ready?"

"Of course not Lexa." 

"Then why are you leaving? Right after telling me that you love me as well and that you will wait for me. Were you lying again?" Lexa asked angrily. 

"I will wait forever for you if I have to." Clarke vowed. "I promise you. But I can't stay here. I can't stay in Des Moines."

"Why?" Lexa said completely shattered. "What about Gina and Adam? What about me?" she whispered the last part. 

"I don't want to leave them. I don't want to leave you." Clarke kissed her forehead softly. "But he found me." she gave Lexa a sad smile. "Today Finn found me."

"What?!" Lexa asked while turning around the house. "And you have not called the police?"

"There is no evidence of him being here or stalking me. Not before this incident."

"Then how do you know he was here?"

"He left me that box." Clarke pointed towards it and Lexa immediately saw the pictures and read the letter.

"He must answer for what he did to you." Lexa vowed while closing the lid. "We have to tell the police."

"They don't believe me." Clarke whispered. "And each time I do they call him to pick me up."

"Bastards." Lexa whispered. "What can I do Clarke?"

"Nothing Lexa. The best thing you can do for yourself and the kids is to stay away from me."

"But that is what he wants. To isolate you, keep you scared and helpless."

"Then that's what he'll get as long as I know you all are safe."

"So that is it? You just leave and continue to be on the run until he either dies or you die?" Lexa asked angrily.

"I'm afraid so." Clarke replied.

"I will not accept that." Lexa said determinedly. "I refuse to accept that."

"There's nothing you can do..."

"I will not lose you like I lost Costia!" Lexa screamed at her and Clarke remained quiet. "I cannot, and would not, get over it Clarke." 

 _To hell with waiting, to hell with being cautious and hesitate._ She was not going to make the same mistake she made with Costia. She was not going to waste time, precious time that she could spend with Clarke. Was she sure that she loved the blonde woman? Definitely. Did she know that it was going to be forever? Certainly. Was she sure of Clarke's feelings towards her? Completely. There was nothing to think about, nothing to consider. She wanted Clarke, she wanted to be with her and that is what she'll do. 

"Lexa..." Clarke couldn't stop herself and she hugged the brunette woman tightly.

"I love you Clarke, so much." Lexa whimpered while looking for her mouth. "Please..." she begged the blonde woman while kissing her. "Let me protect you, let me love you."

"But the kids..." Clarke started to say.

"Will be safe with Anya." Lexa vowed. "And you will be safe with me, far away from Des Moines until Finn leaves you alone."

"I can't ask you to do that." Clarke whispered. "No matter how much I want you to be with me."

"You are not asking, I am offering." Lexa smiled softly. "Please Clarke, do not give up on us. Not now, not ever."

"He will never stop Lexa." Clarke tried one more time. "He will always hunt me down."

"Then together we will put a stop to him. We will find a way to finally put him behind bars forever, I promise you."

"I don't want Finn to hurt you Lexa. I wouldn't live with myself if that happened." Clarke stared at her. "I love you so much Lexa. You're it for me."

"Then we will not let that happen." Lexa promised her. "And I love you too. You are it for me as well."

CLCLCLCLCL

"I'm sorry Clarke." Anya said after hearing the blonde woman explain to her everything. "I can't imagine what you have gone through."

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. But I didn't want to risk the safety of your family Anya. The less you know the safer it will be for you."

"The bastard could be watching us now." Raven muttered angrily. "I used my hacking skills and found the model and color of his car. But still, he could have gotten a new one after announcing his presence to Clarke."

"He certainly has the money to do so." Clarke murmured. "And he is aware of my relationship with Lexa. He saw us kissing."

"So Lexa has become a target." Anya whispered.

"And I don't like that as well. So in order to make him believe that I don't care about Lexa we're going to fake a big fight later today."

"The one you were supposed to have..." Anya said annoyingly.

"Oh shush." Raven hit her softly. "Don't ruin their love story."

"I'm not ruining anything." Anya muttered but refrained herself from making more sarcastic comments.

"I think we just found my sister's kryptonite." Lexa whispered to Clarke who laughed softly.

"Anyway, after the two of them fight Clarke will leave Des Moines." Raven continued explaining.

"Are you really leaving?" Anya asked.

"It is the best for your family and my loved ones." Clarke said determinedly.

"And I will go with her." Lexa stated and she received a surprised look from Anya and a soft smile from Raven.

"I thought the whole point of the fight was so Asshole would stop seeing you as a target?" Anya complained. "And instead of staying here you decide to follow blondie to who knows where."

"I will not leave her Anya. I love her and I will protect her." Lexa vowed while staring at Clarke.

"What about us, your family?"

"Clarke is part of our family Anya, no matter how much you want to deny it." she reminded her sister. "She made her way inside your kids and my heart, hence she is now a Woods as well. And you know we Woods have each other's backs."

Anya looked at Clarke who was staring at Lexa with a look of complete adoration and love. It was impossible for her to deny that the blonde woman didn't love Lexa. As well as it was impossible for her to deny that Lexa loved Clarke as well. Closing her eyes in contempt and resignation, she got closer to where Clarke was sitting.

"Listen blondie. I don't like you. In fact, I hate that you lied to us. But I can understand why you did it. And I can also see how much my kids and sister love you. So based on all of that I'm afraid I'm stuck up with you. So please, don't do anything stupid that gets you killed. I would hate to go to the Underworld and bring you back so that then I can then kill you. Understood?"

"That in Anya's language means 'Welcome to the family'." Raven interpreted for Clarke who had stayed completely quiet at the obvious threat.

"Understood." Clarke promised. "I will keep Lexa safe."

"I'll hold you to it." Anya smiled sadly at her sister. "You don't do anything stupid as well."

"I will try my best." Lexa smiled softly.

"Clarke, I printed some fake license plates and ID's for Lexa and you." Raven said while giving the blonde woman a brown envelope. "There is also some credit cards under your new names and an address to a secluded cabin not so far away from here."

"How are you so good at this?" Lexa was baffled and surprised at the way Raven handled every single aspect of their secret trip in less than one day. 

"This is what I do for a living." Raven shrugged. "Why the big bosses of Anya's company wanted to merge with my small company. We are a 'security' business."

"I can see the appeal." Lexa murmured.

"Back off." Anya joked softly. "You have your own woman."

"An irony that still amuses me until now."

"Likewise." Clarke agreed. "Because I didn't know that you dated women as well Raven."

"We kissed in high school and you had no idea that I liked women as well?" Raven asked and laughed out-loud at the shocked looks Anya and Lexa were giving them.

"It was a dare." Clarke blushed.

"It was 7 minutes in heaven." Raven clarified. "Best kiss I had in high school. And now that I think of it, since I have kissed you, does that mean that I have kissed Lexa as well? And that you have kissed Anya too?"

"Just stop. This is disturbing." Lexa closed her eyes. "Your girlfriend is weird, Anya."

"I always believed that." Clarke said completely embarrassed. "She has no filter."

"One of the reasons why I love her." Anya murmured and got herself a soft kiss as a reward.

"Strange indeed." Lexa smirked. "Now Raven, instead of disturbing us with your weird hypothetical scenarios, finish explaining to us the plan."

"Right, so I got the cabin from a common friend. She won't tell anyone." Raven promised Clarke. "Octavia doesn't know that it's you coming but she gave me her word that the person I sent her way would not be disturbed."

"Octavia?" Lexa asked the blonde.

"She is another one of my friends. I haven't seen her in many years. I didn't see anyone but Finn because he separated me from my friends and family."

"He will pay." Lexa promised.

"And we will help you." Raven vowed. "Just let me do some digging and see if I can find any kind of dirt on him or his company."

"I will ask around and see if we have heard of him as well." Anya added.

"And what if they ask you for motives for inquiring about him?"

"Business curiosity?" Anya smirked at her sister. "You forget sometimes that my position in the company is one that usually lets me get away with doing what I want."

"She's a big deal." Raven agreed. "Makes her even sexier."

"Stop objectifying my sister." Lexa huffed in fake annoyance, relieved to see her sister be more open and willing to care about someone else.

"I know it makes you happy to see her like this." she heard Clarke whisper to her. "Your sister." she clarified.

"It does. It has been a long time since I have seen her smile like this."

"You will come back to them Lexa." Clarke promised her.

"We will come back to them. They are your family now as well."

"And speaking of families." Clarke smiled shyly. "I have been wanting for you to meet mine."

"Your mother?" Lexa asked completely surprised.

"I have to go tell her that I'm leaving for a while." she was saddened at the thought of leaving her mother alone. "But I told her about you and she wants to meet you."

"You told her about me?" Lexa blushed.

"Of course I did. I love you."

"I love you too." Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke soundly on the lips.

"Lovebirds." Raven interrupted them. "Are you ready?" she asked them. "It would make sense for Finn to be here watching us."

"I will go to my home through the backyard." Clarke murmured.

"He will not get close to you. The moment I come back to my house I will go through the backyard and meet with you. You will not be alone." Lexa promised.

"And I will have the extra car ready for you two to leave. It's best Finn doesn't see me so he doesn't suspect we are tricking him. Once we know he's aware you're gone we'll let you know so you're ready just in case." Raven said.

"Understood." Lexa smiled at Raven. "Thank you for helping us."

"You two deserve to be happy." she repeated what she said to Anya.

"Thank you sister. Tell the kids I will be back soon." Lexa stared at Anya who hugged her tightly.

"I will." she promised her younger sister. "Come back to us."

"Always." Lexa promised and with a soft smile she sent Clarke back to her house.

CLCLCLCLCL

Leaving that box at Clarke's house had been a risk he was willing to take. He wanted to torture Clarke; to let her know that he was watching, that he was waiting. He also wanted to remind her that she belonged to him, not that brunette woman. Closing his eyes in anger and hatred, he imagined his hand around her neck, slowly extinguishing the life out of her eyes, watching them dim to complete darkness. No one but him had the right to claim Clarke, to kiss her, to mark her, to brand her. The woman belonged to him and he didn't like to share his toys. The brunette woman, Lexa he had learned her name was, had to be eliminated from the equation. Not only would it scare Clarke into submission, but it would also teach her that no one but him was safe for Clarke to get close to.

Smiling at the prospect of enacting his revenge on Lexa, he decided to follow her and patiently create a schedule. After getting rid of her he planned on going to Clarke and drag her back home where she belonged. It was a solid plan, one that he spent the whole night thinking and scheming before the new day started. Now that Clarke was afraid of him being near, and of the possibility of killing Lexa, all Finn had to do was wait. And if there was one word that could define Finn Collins that word was patience.

Nevertheless, when he saw the brunette angrily leave her house he knew that something was going on, a fact that was confirmed when Clarke opened the door and noticed Lexa screaming at her. He couldn't hear what the two women were saying to each other, but from Clarke's face it was obvious that it saddened her. Looking at the scene with more focus, he noticed how Lexa started to take out some stuff from her bag, throwing them at Clarke who seemed to beg the brunette to just listen. Nevertheless, that never happened because without one more word Lexa turned around and went back to her own house, leaving Clarke crying on the porch.

Wanting to go comfort Clarke and tell her that he was the right choice for her, Finn stopped himself because it was not part of the plan. Now that it seemed that Lexa was gone for good, all he needed to do was wait for Clarke's loneliness and desperation to make her become careless. Once that happened he knew that it would be easy to trick and convince the woman of going back with him. Now that there was no other prospect or thing keeping her in Des Moines, he knew that if he promised her some freedom she would be convinced of his honesty. Although he knew very well that the moment Clarke entered the house he was going to do everything in his power to prevent her from leaving. Not again. Never again.

CLCLCLCLCL

"Are you ok?" Lexa asked her the moment the two of them met outside the backyard. "I did not mean any of those things Clarke."

"I know." Clarke cried softly. "But it sounded so real."

"I am sorry I hurt you Clarke."

"You didn't. You're here now Lexa and that's more than what I can ask of you."

"Remember you are not asking, I am offering."

"And I'm not driving." Raven interrupted them. "Anya has told me that nothing seems out of the ordinary out there. So we can assume that Finn believed your little quarrel and he will now wait until he deems Clarke is most vulnerable and weak."

"Again, your knowledge when it comes to these things surprises me." Lexa muttered.

"Not something I'm proud of. But a skill that seems to be helping us now."

"Thank you Raven." Clarke hugged her tightly. "For everything."

"Anything for you Clarke. I love you."

"I love you too." Clarke choked. "May we meet again."

"We will meet again." Raven promised and felt herself cry a little. "You keep her safe." she looked at Lexa.

"With my life." she promised. "And you keep our family safe until we come back."

"I will." Raven promised back. "Good luck." she said and got away from the car.

"Together." Lexa said to Clarke who was now staring at her. "Or not at all."

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered. "I can't let you do that, not for me. You have a family that needs you."

"But you need me more. Just as much as I need you." Lexa said softly. "We will both make it out of this. But in order for that to happen I need you to trust me. To do what I ask you and to not try to play hero without me."

"I can't promise you to not place your safety before mine. But I can promise you to not separate from you or try to leave you." Clarke gave her a soft smile.

"Good. Then I ask that you accept the same promises and conditions from me."

"Copy-cat." Clarke joked with her and turned serious. "I never thought that I would have someone love me as much as you do, Lexa. And sometimes it baffles me to be at the receiving end of your affection and love. You're the most wonderful, loving, endearing and special person I have ever met. Each day I fall even more in love with you, if that is even possible."

"I cannot see my life without you in it anymore Clarke. I always believed in soulmates and that you just knew the moment you met that person that they were it. I knew that it was going to feel as if there was no gravity around me, as if time stopped passing by and that our eyes would connect and stop themselves from moving away from each other. That happened to me the day I met you Clarke. I was overwhelmed by the amount of emotions that came out of me and I knew that you were special. I knew I had to get to know you, talk to you. And I do not regret it. And I know I will never regret choosing to talk to you that day at the hospital."

"I love you Lexa Woods." Clarke whispered while getting closer to the brunette.

"As I love you, Clarke Griffin." Lexa said her name and this time it sounded right.

"Forever?" Clarke asked.

"Forever." Lexa confirmed and drove away from their family, hopeful to come back to them soon.


End file.
